It's really almost over.

I've been screaming for this day to come since before the day he left. I want my life back in tact. I want to wipe out the last year and pretend it never happened...but sadly, it did, and I can't undo it. Would I, if I could? Honestly I must say...probably not. There's a reason for everything, even if we don't understand it at the time.

I've packed my first suitcase to leave. I have the keys to my new house. I have part of my furniture delivered...I have a 47 inch tv and a damn dvd player waiting on me for fuck's sake...and yet here I sit, trying to figure out what I'm feeling. While it's probably just indigestion from eating real food for the first time in 3 days, I like to think it's more than that. For once in my life I might have finally formed a bond with this town.

Don't get me wrong, there are PLENTY of reasons for me to go and I could spend all night listing them. For example, this town is overrun with cocky assholes and bitches. You have to drive 30 miles to buy a bottle of liquor, yet I can walk down my street and get served until I cant stand straight anymore. dubya tee eff F--- county? What is THAT shit all about? I will not miss all the crackheads or running into my exes at walmart.

I will however miss running into my family at walmart...most of them anyway. I'll miss my sunshine yellow room...but who says I can't recreate this feeling in another room in another house? But then we will just move again, so Im starting to fail to see the point in making anything "mine"...each place I go is just a temporary home. I was born to leave, this lifestyle suits me. Doesn't mean I can't cry like a little bitch as I sort my clothes into what to take and what to give to mom piles.

My room looks like it got hit by a hurricane, and it did. My mom says I came into this world a whirlwind, and I'm not ready to quit yet. It's a weird feeling, needing to be free but grounded at the same time so I don't get lost in this world. Not many people understand that, and even fewer can give me that space but hold me so tightly all at once.

Random rambling anyone? Looks like you're in for it tonight. Bear with me, this mother fucker doesn't have fucking spell check and I am typing in a hurry. I can't sleep, no surprise there. Sometimes I feel like I will never really sleep again...then I remember how close I am to having my life back in control.

The only thing you can do for a reckless soul...is love it. My husband does a pretty good job of that one, and we both know how reckless I tend to get. I like to push my limits on a daily basis. I like to test my boundaries and the boundaries of others. Within reason of course, well most of the time anyway. Sometimes I can be pretty unreasonable.

To be completely honest, I can't even fucking remember how I started this blog, and I'm not sure how it will end. Maybe on a serious note...maybe on a sad note...maybe on A minor. Who knows? Who cares? Go with the flow in life. It's ok to fly by the seat of your pants sometimes (that one is directed at you mom). Everyone needs a sense of adventure. We are given new opportunities to test ourselves and find out who we are every single day, even if we think we already have it all figured out. Try something new, dance in the rain, be bold, be daring...be you. Don't let someone else put out your fire or build walls around your heart, and don't do it to yourself either.

Live, learn, and let go when it's time to let go. You'll never live a happy and whole life if you shelter yourself from experiences based on a few mistakes. So live, laugh, learn, and then get Luvs...or Depends...whichever is more age appropriate. The point of the matter is...well, there is no point. Don't take life so seriously. There isn't always a plot or a plan, sometimes you have to follow the music, and if you can't find it, make your own!

While this post might be more rambly than usual and suggest the possible use of drugs, I deny any allegations! Anywho, I guess it's back to packing up my closet and shiz...but I swear the first fuckin spider to jump out at me is getting blow torched hailey style.

For those of you still awake to read this, goodnight, and for those of you who will read this in the morning, good morning! grab your day by the balls and MAKE it be great dammit. You owe it to yourself!