I visited your grave today. I know the only thing there is your body and your soul is somewhere else, but I always feel like you are right there when I go. No matter how much time passes I don't see the hurt ever healing. There are so many regrets there. So many things we both should have done to stay closer. I also know thinking about the what ifs is like rocking in a rocking chair...it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.
I dusted away the leaves that were piling up on your headstone and the wreaths and decorations that are there. I know it doesn't do much good since they will blow right back over but it made me feel better at the time. I made something to add to the collection today too.
I heard a song that makes me think of you. Barely in your 50s, you left too soon. I listen to it and it makes me sad, but then i remember that at least you aren't in pain anymore. Knowing that doesn't heal my hurt but it takes the edge off the pain when I think about it.
You always called me Angel, and now you are mine. I know you have been looking out for me since you left us two years ago. This is my song for you:
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
It's been a long year...
A year ago yesterday started off like any normal day. We tried to treat it as any normal day even though there was a dark cloud hanging over it. I did my best to busy myself and not watch the clock tick away the seconds until my mother would call. Today would be the day we got the news. I prayed and prayed for good news and hoped that everything would turn out alright.
I remember clearly when my phone finally rang. I was driving on post (though I cannot for the life of me remember why now, probably taking food to some MPs or something), I answered and was greeted by my mother, sister, and grandmother on a conference call. This couldn't be good. I ignored the no cell phone use on post rule. This call was worth a $75 ticket.
What my mother had to say shocked me to my core. You never think it can happen to you or people you love. It happens to strangers, it happens to acquaintances. The grocer, the pharmacist, the guy down the street. My bubble world I lived in shattered that day.
The words were simple, yet scary. "I got my results today. I have cancer." My mother. Mine. Not someone else's, but mine. The "good" news was there was only a 10% chance it would kill her. That's how the doctor put it. She would have to have a complete thydroidectomy and radiation treatment to be sure it hadn't spread. I held it together fairly well for the phone call but as soon as I hung up I burst into tears. Cancer is scary, regardless of the chance of survival.
Regardless of what some other people may think, I was my mother's rock through it all. The day she went into surgery i sat by her side until they took her away cracking jokes and being highly inappropriate. I wouldn't let her see my smile falter despite the fact that I was shaking with terror inside. They were slitting her throat for the surgery. How could I not be terrified? I held myself together until they wheeled her away and that's when I lost it.
I cried and cried. I paced, I worried, I walked into the men's bathroom because I was so distracted. I cracked jokes to my mimi and step father. I pestered the nurses. When my mom finally came into recovery then was taken to the room where we could see her, I sat by her side, not wanting to leave at all in case she woke up and I missed it.
When she did wake up and start moving around we could tell she felt better when she threw a brush and a bed pan at steve for making her laugh. I poked fun of her Frankenstein scar and still do to this day. It's our reminder that we made it through the dark time together. I stuck by her side and visited her daily in the hospital (for the whole 3 days she was there and even spent one night with her during which time 3 polar bears froze to death and the penguins migrated to south america).
I did it because I wanted to. Not because I felt some obligation to her. I did what I did for the right reasons, not the wrong ones. I knew my mother would not go through this alone because I knew I would be there no matter what. I wish some other people had realized that and not made choices that put my mother through hell again later. You know who you are, if you even read this.
It's been a year and mom and I have both been to hell in back, in different ways and in similar ones and we are still going strong.
I remember clearly when my phone finally rang. I was driving on post (though I cannot for the life of me remember why now, probably taking food to some MPs or something), I answered and was greeted by my mother, sister, and grandmother on a conference call. This couldn't be good. I ignored the no cell phone use on post rule. This call was worth a $75 ticket.
What my mother had to say shocked me to my core. You never think it can happen to you or people you love. It happens to strangers, it happens to acquaintances. The grocer, the pharmacist, the guy down the street. My bubble world I lived in shattered that day.
The words were simple, yet scary. "I got my results today. I have cancer." My mother. Mine. Not someone else's, but mine. The "good" news was there was only a 10% chance it would kill her. That's how the doctor put it. She would have to have a complete thydroidectomy and radiation treatment to be sure it hadn't spread. I held it together fairly well for the phone call but as soon as I hung up I burst into tears. Cancer is scary, regardless of the chance of survival.
Regardless of what some other people may think, I was my mother's rock through it all. The day she went into surgery i sat by her side until they took her away cracking jokes and being highly inappropriate. I wouldn't let her see my smile falter despite the fact that I was shaking with terror inside. They were slitting her throat for the surgery. How could I not be terrified? I held myself together until they wheeled her away and that's when I lost it.
I cried and cried. I paced, I worried, I walked into the men's bathroom because I was so distracted. I cracked jokes to my mimi and step father. I pestered the nurses. When my mom finally came into recovery then was taken to the room where we could see her, I sat by her side, not wanting to leave at all in case she woke up and I missed it.
When she did wake up and start moving around we could tell she felt better when she threw a brush and a bed pan at steve for making her laugh. I poked fun of her Frankenstein scar and still do to this day. It's our reminder that we made it through the dark time together. I stuck by her side and visited her daily in the hospital (for the whole 3 days she was there and even spent one night with her during which time 3 polar bears froze to death and the penguins migrated to south america).
I did it because I wanted to. Not because I felt some obligation to her. I did what I did for the right reasons, not the wrong ones. I knew my mother would not go through this alone because I knew I would be there no matter what. I wish some other people had realized that and not made choices that put my mother through hell again later. You know who you are, if you even read this.
It's been a year and mom and I have both been to hell in back, in different ways and in similar ones and we are still going strong.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Moms the word.
Sometimes I see peoples statuses online about their moms, or hear them complain about them in person. It always makes me glad that my mom is my mom. I got pretty lucky as far as moms go. Sure, she made her mistakes raising me, but every mother does. I can share anything with her, I can go to her with any problem and I know she will always be there to help me any way she can.
We may fight, and the bitch may steal my clothes from time to time, but I fucking love her. She has never turned her back on me and never would. Even though the kids and I drive her batty sometimes living here with her she is (usually) never really mean or anything like that. She is going through the change though, so she has a tendency to be a little moody. Even on her worst day though, she's still not that bad.
She makes up for the fact that I grew up calling a complete douche "dad". He recently tried to come back into our lives again but true to his usual form, he disappeared before he even physically came around. Goodbye and good riddance!
I am a part of a very large and diverse family. Many names, many bloodlines, all brought together by love. I consider my first father in law, mother in law, and sister in law to still be my family. Jacob's father and his wife are a part of our family as well. Birthday parties for all of our kids are always interesting! It takes a village to raise a child, and we have a pretty good village here. My children and I are surrounded by love and support here. We have a good church family that truly cares as well.
For once in my life, I'm glad to call this place home.
We may fight, and the bitch may steal my clothes from time to time, but I fucking love her. She has never turned her back on me and never would. Even though the kids and I drive her batty sometimes living here with her she is (usually) never really mean or anything like that. She is going through the change though, so she has a tendency to be a little moody. Even on her worst day though, she's still not that bad.
She makes up for the fact that I grew up calling a complete douche "dad". He recently tried to come back into our lives again but true to his usual form, he disappeared before he even physically came around. Goodbye and good riddance!
I am a part of a very large and diverse family. Many names, many bloodlines, all brought together by love. I consider my first father in law, mother in law, and sister in law to still be my family. Jacob's father and his wife are a part of our family as well. Birthday parties for all of our kids are always interesting! It takes a village to raise a child, and we have a pretty good village here. My children and I are surrounded by love and support here. We have a good church family that truly cares as well.
For once in my life, I'm glad to call this place home.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
I'm more of a sinner than a saint.
Aren't we all? It happens. I had to go for a bridal fitting to order my dress for whit and jd's wedding tonight. 9 of us went to the Dallas area to get tuxes and dresses then go have dinner together. There were some highly inappropriate jokes made (are you surprised? No? I didn't think you would be) and a lot of laughs had. Even though we had a lot of fun, there was still an underlying sadness there for me.
Some days are harder than others. I miss him more. I can be surrounded by people and still feel so completely alone. Tonight was like that. All day really. The next several months wont go by fast enough for me. I had plenty of snarky and witty things to say for this blog, but once I sat down, sentimental seemed to suit better tonight. For now anyway, I make no promises as to what the next few paragraphs will hold.
Last night is another night I wish that Case had been home. It was time to bathe the dog. For those of you who don't know, I have a great dane. She isn't even full grown yet. I decided to bathe her in the bath tub but she had other plans for me. One paw was all it took, down came my shower curtain rod, which hit the towel holder and knocked it down, which bounced over into the shower and knocked all my soap and shampoos over. The best part of it all? My dog gets the runs when she's nervous...she shat on my foot. Nothing major, just a little bit. I started to smell something funky and I looked down and saw the stuff on my ankle and was like "WTF?" And then it dawned on me...bitch shit, on my foot. ON. MY. FOOT.
Some of you may read this and laugh because you think I deserve it. I laughed when it happened and I still giggle when I think about it now. Laugh away, that's the intention I had when I decided to share this story. I guess I couldn't stick to sentimental. I have no acid tinged barbs to hurl in this blog. No one has really pissed me off lately, I let stupid people and their ignorant acts roll off my back a lot better now. If you had any idea what I went through this summer, you would know why I decided to let go of everything that happened between May and August.
My best memories of this summer were made with Jamie in Virginia. Sure I've had fun since then, but she was my saving grace for a month of it. I don't know what I would have done without all those nights on the deck with the captain and jose. I miss her, James and the kids like crazy and I wish circumstances were different, but I was needed here in Texas. Life threw me a curve ball but I still managed to smack it out of the park. Im making it just fine, contrary to what some might think. Life will be perfect as soon as he is back home with me.
Your advice for the day:
The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless.
Some days are harder than others. I miss him more. I can be surrounded by people and still feel so completely alone. Tonight was like that. All day really. The next several months wont go by fast enough for me. I had plenty of snarky and witty things to say for this blog, but once I sat down, sentimental seemed to suit better tonight. For now anyway, I make no promises as to what the next few paragraphs will hold.
Last night is another night I wish that Case had been home. It was time to bathe the dog. For those of you who don't know, I have a great dane. She isn't even full grown yet. I decided to bathe her in the bath tub but she had other plans for me. One paw was all it took, down came my shower curtain rod, which hit the towel holder and knocked it down, which bounced over into the shower and knocked all my soap and shampoos over. The best part of it all? My dog gets the runs when she's nervous...she shat on my foot. Nothing major, just a little bit. I started to smell something funky and I looked down and saw the stuff on my ankle and was like "WTF?" And then it dawned on me...bitch shit, on my foot. ON. MY. FOOT.
Some of you may read this and laugh because you think I deserve it. I laughed when it happened and I still giggle when I think about it now. Laugh away, that's the intention I had when I decided to share this story. I guess I couldn't stick to sentimental. I have no acid tinged barbs to hurl in this blog. No one has really pissed me off lately, I let stupid people and their ignorant acts roll off my back a lot better now. If you had any idea what I went through this summer, you would know why I decided to let go of everything that happened between May and August.
My best memories of this summer were made with Jamie in Virginia. Sure I've had fun since then, but she was my saving grace for a month of it. I don't know what I would have done without all those nights on the deck with the captain and jose. I miss her, James and the kids like crazy and I wish circumstances were different, but I was needed here in Texas. Life threw me a curve ball but I still managed to smack it out of the park. Im making it just fine, contrary to what some might think. Life will be perfect as soon as he is back home with me.
Your advice for the day:
The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless.
Friday, September 30, 2011
f*ck.
I really want to blog. I could make it a really funny one. However, Im fucking exhausted. So I'm going to bed. Disappointed? It happens. Want a quick pick me up? I wore a ball cap to work today to cover my hair and keep it out of my face and my boss not only called me a lesbian, she said I was the butch in the relationship. She wants me.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Well...
I started working again today, and it felt amazing. I kind of stole my sister's job, but it's all good because she would have hated it anyway. Right now I'm basically my boss's personal bitch, and I'm ok with that. I enjoyed working my ass off. The physical labor helped with my restlessness. My boss is batshit crazy, but that's ok because it helps us get along great.
Today is one of those days when I just really wish that Casey was here. Telling him about my day over webcam just isnt the same. I want to be able to relax in the tub with him and have him wash my back and rub my shoulders while we discuss the crazy things that happened today. I want to hear his laugh and see his face when i tell him about mighty mouse leaping out at me and running across my shoe. I want to see him cringe when I tell him about the jumping spider that battled me and the vacuum (and won). He should be here to tuck his princess in tonight and see her and the boys off to school tomorrow. He should be here to talk to our boys and tell them how proud he is every day they do well at school.
Enough mushy crap. Whether some people like it or not, he is my husband and I am his wife. No one else is changing that. We are HAPPY and we are still very much in love and very capable of being honest with ourselves and each other. No one else matters. If you don't like us being together, you will just have to get over it. No one has the power to tear our marriage apart but God, and he wouldn't.
Have I mentioned that my boss is a total trip? She is awesome. She doesnt care about my tattoos or my lip ring and she regales me with stories of her misspent youth. She keeps me laughing and I keep her laughing as well. This job is a welcome distraction and will help time pass by quickly. Sadly, it's only a temp job but I have a feeling this will be a fall I never forget.
As for those of you who keep on creeping, checking religiously to see if I'm blogging again, time to move on. I do this for me. Not for drama. Sic your lame friends on me (who have never met me and dont know a thing about me really) all you want to. It makes you look pathetic. Stop trying to start drama where there is none. Im allowed to say whatever the fuck I want. Don't like it? Don't read it.
Today is one of those days when I just really wish that Casey was here. Telling him about my day over webcam just isnt the same. I want to be able to relax in the tub with him and have him wash my back and rub my shoulders while we discuss the crazy things that happened today. I want to hear his laugh and see his face when i tell him about mighty mouse leaping out at me and running across my shoe. I want to see him cringe when I tell him about the jumping spider that battled me and the vacuum (and won). He should be here to tuck his princess in tonight and see her and the boys off to school tomorrow. He should be here to talk to our boys and tell them how proud he is every day they do well at school.
Enough mushy crap. Whether some people like it or not, he is my husband and I am his wife. No one else is changing that. We are HAPPY and we are still very much in love and very capable of being honest with ourselves and each other. No one else matters. If you don't like us being together, you will just have to get over it. No one has the power to tear our marriage apart but God, and he wouldn't.
Have I mentioned that my boss is a total trip? She is awesome. She doesnt care about my tattoos or my lip ring and she regales me with stories of her misspent youth. She keeps me laughing and I keep her laughing as well. This job is a welcome distraction and will help time pass by quickly. Sadly, it's only a temp job but I have a feeling this will be a fall I never forget.
As for those of you who keep on creeping, checking religiously to see if I'm blogging again, time to move on. I do this for me. Not for drama. Sic your lame friends on me (who have never met me and dont know a thing about me really) all you want to. It makes you look pathetic. Stop trying to start drama where there is none. Im allowed to say whatever the fuck I want. Don't like it? Don't read it.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Oh shit, she's back.
After a 24 day sabbatical I have decided to rejoin the blogging world. Don't like it, fuck your couch. No, I didn't get any new lines while I was away. Ask me if I give a shit! That's a big ten-no asshole. Yeah, I'm still vulgar. I taught Sunday School for the first time in years yesterday. It was interesting, especially when I had to sing and dance and then stick my hand up a puppet's ass. I suppose this blog is going to erase any brownie points I earned for doing that. Oh well, sorry I don't care. Oh wait, no I'm not! Ha.
This morning my dog decided she had enough of this super hard spoiled country life and took up smoking. As I yelled out the back door for my mother to get over her bitchy ass attitude, she yelled at me to step onto the back porch. Rori devoured my pack of cigarettes and my mother almost died laughing. Karma I suppose. My reaction went something like this..."Bitch, you just ate six dollars!" I guess she wants me to quit so I can actually run with her. Not fuckin happening. The running, not the quitting.
Friday night I went out with my best friend of 10 years. We get to the bar and have a good time. Go to leave, and someone had backed into his brand new challenger. being the far more sober of the two of us, he had me drive home. Friday night was not the challenger's night. Walking down the highway were 3 massive fucking dogs, roughly the size of small ponies. I thought ok, they will move, I'll go around. Uh no. I ran over not one, but two of them, and I'm pretty sure I clipped the 3rd. I have never hit an animal and let me tell you it was horrible. The worst part was Carveth and I couldnt stop laughing. Am I going to hell for that? Maybe. I didn't do it on purpose though, and I didnt kill them. Maybe that will redeem me. I doubt it though. There's 3 more punches in my train ticket to hades.
Hmmm...what else has happened? Oh, I forgot to tell you about george! We have a pet opossum named george now. He eats rori's food and tries to be a statue when we walk out on the deck and he's visiting. He seems real friendly, sucks for him he's gonna be opossum soup eventually.
If you're ever looking for a real good giggle, just go read the man 4 man craigslist classifieds! bahahahahaha. it inspired a new word in my vocabulary. Homoneck. it's a homosexual redneck. you're welcome for the vocabulary lesson. Now if you will excuse me, I have a facebook conversation about mushroom stamps, 250 mile dicks, and wooly women to return to.
Thought for the day:
if your face looks like a cow's ass, don't use it for your profile picture!
This morning my dog decided she had enough of this super hard spoiled country life and took up smoking. As I yelled out the back door for my mother to get over her bitchy ass attitude, she yelled at me to step onto the back porch. Rori devoured my pack of cigarettes and my mother almost died laughing. Karma I suppose. My reaction went something like this..."Bitch, you just ate six dollars!" I guess she wants me to quit so I can actually run with her. Not fuckin happening. The running, not the quitting.
Friday night I went out with my best friend of 10 years. We get to the bar and have a good time. Go to leave, and someone had backed into his brand new challenger. being the far more sober of the two of us, he had me drive home. Friday night was not the challenger's night. Walking down the highway were 3 massive fucking dogs, roughly the size of small ponies. I thought ok, they will move, I'll go around. Uh no. I ran over not one, but two of them, and I'm pretty sure I clipped the 3rd. I have never hit an animal and let me tell you it was horrible. The worst part was Carveth and I couldnt stop laughing. Am I going to hell for that? Maybe. I didn't do it on purpose though, and I didnt kill them. Maybe that will redeem me. I doubt it though. There's 3 more punches in my train ticket to hades.
Hmmm...what else has happened? Oh, I forgot to tell you about george! We have a pet opossum named george now. He eats rori's food and tries to be a statue when we walk out on the deck and he's visiting. He seems real friendly, sucks for him he's gonna be opossum soup eventually.
If you're ever looking for a real good giggle, just go read the man 4 man craigslist classifieds! bahahahahaha. it inspired a new word in my vocabulary. Homoneck. it's a homosexual redneck. you're welcome for the vocabulary lesson. Now if you will excuse me, I have a facebook conversation about mushroom stamps, 250 mile dicks, and wooly women to return to.
Thought for the day:
if your face looks like a cow's ass, don't use it for your profile picture!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Oooohh, burn. Not.
I decided to blog today, but I have some writers block going on. I couldnt decide if I wanted to dignify someone's obvious insanity with a response, or blog about my wild ass life. So I'll settle for this and be done with it: Fuck your couch. Ha.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the
toy.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the
toy.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Hammer time.
This is actually probably going to be a semi-serious blog. I took my butt to church on sunday for the first time in a while. I realized I've missed it. Our preacher has been around for a really long time and he's a genuinely good guy and good preacher. Sunday's sermon made a point I've been trying to make for months. The moral: Just because you sit your rear in church on sundays, just because you make donations to this church fund and that, and just because you say a 30 second generic hallmark prayer over your meals every day doesn't mean you're being a christian.
I make no claim to be living my life in a perfectly christian way, but for those of you who are, and I'm sure you know who you are, why don't you take a step back and look at yourselves. For the record, the only person that stands between you and all heaven has to offer you is...you. Not your family, not your friends. Just you. As a parent, you raise your kids, and you let them go forth into the world and make their own way. You instill morals and values in them, and then you have to step back. You can't make all their decisions for them, and you certainly can't accuse them of standing between you and the pearly gates.
As a friend, your job is to be there for your friends and tell them about the joys of God, but refrain from cramming it down their throats every time they turn around if they choose not to believe. You can't force or bully anyone into being a christian. Stop trying. Just because you THINK someone you know doesn't know how great God is, doesn't make that true. You have no way of knowing what someone else's relationship with God is unless they tell you that they don't believe or don't know about God.
The only person that has room to pass judgement is...you guessed it...GOD! Good job. Give yourself a pat on the back. That's pure awesomeness right there. You don't get to decide who goes to heaven and who goes to hell. You don't get to choose which marriages stay together and which get torn apart, and you certainly have no room to TRY and tear one apart. That's regardless of how christian you are or what your relationship with the person is. Don't try and ruin someone else's life just because it doesn't fit into your cookie cutter mold for the perfect marriage, especially if you've been married more than once yourself. You know divorce is a sinful thing right? Right. Good talk.
That's my rant for today. If you want to rave about what a good christian you are, then try acting like it all the time, not just when it's convenient for you. Hypocrisy is not endearing.
If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it might be a chicken playing dress up.
I make no claim to be living my life in a perfectly christian way, but for those of you who are, and I'm sure you know who you are, why don't you take a step back and look at yourselves. For the record, the only person that stands between you and all heaven has to offer you is...you. Not your family, not your friends. Just you. As a parent, you raise your kids, and you let them go forth into the world and make their own way. You instill morals and values in them, and then you have to step back. You can't make all their decisions for them, and you certainly can't accuse them of standing between you and the pearly gates.
As a friend, your job is to be there for your friends and tell them about the joys of God, but refrain from cramming it down their throats every time they turn around if they choose not to believe. You can't force or bully anyone into being a christian. Stop trying. Just because you THINK someone you know doesn't know how great God is, doesn't make that true. You have no way of knowing what someone else's relationship with God is unless they tell you that they don't believe or don't know about God.
The only person that has room to pass judgement is...you guessed it...GOD! Good job. Give yourself a pat on the back. That's pure awesomeness right there. You don't get to decide who goes to heaven and who goes to hell. You don't get to choose which marriages stay together and which get torn apart, and you certainly have no room to TRY and tear one apart. That's regardless of how christian you are or what your relationship with the person is. Don't try and ruin someone else's life just because it doesn't fit into your cookie cutter mold for the perfect marriage, especially if you've been married more than once yourself. You know divorce is a sinful thing right? Right. Good talk.
That's my rant for today. If you want to rave about what a good christian you are, then try acting like it all the time, not just when it's convenient for you. Hypocrisy is not endearing.
If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it might be a chicken playing dress up.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Is that a boob? Maybe a penis...
Today I have been married to my schexy husband for a whopping two years and 8 months. We also still like each other! Yay us! Maybe he'll get lucky and I'll flash him my vagina on webcam later....look mom! There's another hole punch in my ticket to hell! Yay me! OK, Im not really going to flash him my do-lolly as he likes to call it. I'll keep that in my pants and wait for him to come home before he gets to see it again. I know, I'm mean. Whatever, hopefully this isnt fresh news to you.
My lava lamp is trying to sprout either a penis or a tit. I can't figure out which. The lava at the top hardened a little droopy last night, so it kind of looks like either a tiny little penis or a rather large nipple. Either way, it is definitely interesting. I wonder if I could turn that in as a study on anatomy....hmmmmm....Possible, very possible.
Insomnia has ahold of me yet again tonight, go fuckin figure. At least you silly little shits are getting good reading material out of it from me. Well, some of you think it's good, others think its garbage. I think I'm fucking amazing and if you dont like it you can suck my non-existent left nut. I'll grow one special for ya! =)
I started reading that book "The Help" tonight. So far so good. It sucked me in and the one maid, Minny, really reminds me of...well, me. Because she just doesn't give a shit if she offends someone or not! How refreshing in a world full of ass licking douche nuggets. If you are one of said ass licking douche nuggets, well, at least clean it with a wet wipe before you toss that salad. Don't be nasty about it.
I really need to sleep now because odds are Jessalyn and I will begin our epic battle over my bed in about 2 hours as usual. Moving that munchkin to a toddler bed was a horrible choice! Unlike Jon at her age, she actually realizes she can climg out of it. Damn the luck!
Anywho, here's your advice for the night:
A person is only as big as the things that make them angry. This is why I don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things...except my husband of course.
My lava lamp is trying to sprout either a penis or a tit. I can't figure out which. The lava at the top hardened a little droopy last night, so it kind of looks like either a tiny little penis or a rather large nipple. Either way, it is definitely interesting. I wonder if I could turn that in as a study on anatomy....hmmmmm....Possible, very possible.
Insomnia has ahold of me yet again tonight, go fuckin figure. At least you silly little shits are getting good reading material out of it from me. Well, some of you think it's good, others think its garbage. I think I'm fucking amazing and if you dont like it you can suck my non-existent left nut. I'll grow one special for ya! =)
I started reading that book "The Help" tonight. So far so good. It sucked me in and the one maid, Minny, really reminds me of...well, me. Because she just doesn't give a shit if she offends someone or not! How refreshing in a world full of ass licking douche nuggets. If you are one of said ass licking douche nuggets, well, at least clean it with a wet wipe before you toss that salad. Don't be nasty about it.
I really need to sleep now because odds are Jessalyn and I will begin our epic battle over my bed in about 2 hours as usual. Moving that munchkin to a toddler bed was a horrible choice! Unlike Jon at her age, she actually realizes she can climg out of it. Damn the luck!
Anywho, here's your advice for the night:
A person is only as big as the things that make them angry. This is why I don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things...except my husband of course.
Friday, August 12, 2011
I'm back bitches!
So after two blissful weeks with my husband, I am now back in the blogging world. Two weeks of sleeping next to my husband, waking up next to him, and of course, having crazy sex with said husband. Jealous? You should be. He's a sexy mother fucker. Literally, seeing as how I have popped out children and all that good shit. OMG, there I go being vulgar and shit. Ask me my dear if I give a damn!
It's absolutely no secret that Case and I hit some serious rocks on the river of marital bliss...but for those of you who were rooting for us to not make it...well...I hate to disappoint you...oh, wait, no I don't! Ha. Fuck your couch. Not only are we staying together, but we are stronger than we were before. Dont like it? Tough shit. I'm pretty sure you will get over it eventually. That goes for anyone. Friends, family (on either side), stranger danger...you lose.
I had to take him back to the airport today so he can go finish playing G.I. Joe half a world away. We played our usual airport game and it was nothing less than abso-fucking-lutely stellar. It's the "guess what kind of underwear people are wearing" game, and we kind of rock at it. We get detailed with this shit, and pretty sure there was at least one chastity belt running around there today. Simply Amazing.
I know people joke about the "fashion police" a lot but seriously, they need to fucking exist. Women, regardless of your size, no one wants to have to stare at your ass crack hanging out of your fucking pants. Also, muffin tops are so last year. I only say this because I care...ok I'm lying again. I say it because it looks like shit. Men, seriously...what the fuck is up with men having mountain man beards and walking around in fucking hawaiian print button down t-shirts with what appears to be indiana jones hats on? I mean really? Give me a fucking break. Ditch the hat, buy a razor, burn the shirt. That is all.
Insomnia is kicking my ass again, surprise surprise. Oh well, my creativity hits me most when Im delirious from lack of sleepy time. My eyes are starting to droop though, so I think it's time for me to give my sheets some ass and my pillow some head. Have a fabulously fantastic friday y'all!
Something you should never say to your wife when she is in labor: "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."
It's absolutely no secret that Case and I hit some serious rocks on the river of marital bliss...but for those of you who were rooting for us to not make it...well...I hate to disappoint you...oh, wait, no I don't! Ha. Fuck your couch. Not only are we staying together, but we are stronger than we were before. Dont like it? Tough shit. I'm pretty sure you will get over it eventually. That goes for anyone. Friends, family (on either side), stranger danger...you lose.
I had to take him back to the airport today so he can go finish playing G.I. Joe half a world away. We played our usual airport game and it was nothing less than abso-fucking-lutely stellar. It's the "guess what kind of underwear people are wearing" game, and we kind of rock at it. We get detailed with this shit, and pretty sure there was at least one chastity belt running around there today. Simply Amazing.
I know people joke about the "fashion police" a lot but seriously, they need to fucking exist. Women, regardless of your size, no one wants to have to stare at your ass crack hanging out of your fucking pants. Also, muffin tops are so last year. I only say this because I care...ok I'm lying again. I say it because it looks like shit. Men, seriously...what the fuck is up with men having mountain man beards and walking around in fucking hawaiian print button down t-shirts with what appears to be indiana jones hats on? I mean really? Give me a fucking break. Ditch the hat, buy a razor, burn the shirt. That is all.
Insomnia is kicking my ass again, surprise surprise. Oh well, my creativity hits me most when Im delirious from lack of sleepy time. My eyes are starting to droop though, so I think it's time for me to give my sheets some ass and my pillow some head. Have a fabulously fantastic friday y'all!
Something you should never say to your wife when she is in labor: "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Run and tell THAT!
So recently I was informed that my blog language is nothing less than absolutely vulgar. Actually it was more like Casey was informed because God forbid someone actually come to ME about a problem they have with ME! Madness! What do you people think I’m going to do? Suck out your soul with a hot pink swirly straw? It’s possible. But for real yo, I don’t know how many times I have to say this…but I. Do. Not. Give. A. Flying. Blue. Monkey. Shit. What. You. Think. Run and tell that, homeboy. If I need to dumb it down and give it to you in layman’s terms, I can try. However, I am not fluent in stupid so don’t get butthurt when I can’t make you understand. Hide ya kids, hide ya wife, hide ya husbands too cause I’m offending everybody in here.
So to be absolutely vulgar (I hate to disappoint!) I know I informed y’all about my red sex shoes. These shoes are AMAZING (now read that again and imagine the halleluiah music playing in the background for the word amazing). If you’re on my facebook, odds are you have seen the pictures. Not naked pictures though. God forbid. I know I would be going to hell for sure for that one. Of course I’ve already been condemned for having my own opinions and not taking shit from stupid people. Lawd have mercy! People forget this isn’t the fucking fantastic fifties anymore!
Back to the sex shoes. They are definitely erection inspiring. Just ask casey. I thought he was gonna lose it when I put them on and showed them to him. Yeah, I went there. Oops. Sorry I’m not sorry! Talking about my sex shoes is for cousin Jamie- the best bad influence I’ve ever had! Ha. Seriously though, Jamie was my savior in Virginia. If it wasn’t for her, I would have probably lost my mind and my temper on more than one occasion. I know a couple of you Virginia people read this blog and like to use it to stir shit up. Only thing I have to say to you is…well…get over it. It’s time to cut the bullshit and grow the fuck up. I don’t go around trying to stir shit up for you and obsess over your life.
I know I am a pretty interesting fucking person. Have to be with the size of the fan club I have that likes to keep track of me. ;) Sorry I’m not sorry that I’m so fucking awesome and interesting! Anyway, I should be writing my final exam papers so I guess I’ll get back to that. You may now return to your regularly scheduled life.
Words of wisdom for the day:
Real good Christian people don’t judge. They don’t try to destroy other people’s lives, and they don’t pick and choose which rules of the bible to live by. Hypocrisy won’t do you much good when you get to the pearly gates. Sitting in church every Sunday does not guarantee you a spot in heaven, you have to actually live like a Christian Monday through Saturday as well.
So to be absolutely vulgar (I hate to disappoint!) I know I informed y’all about my red sex shoes. These shoes are AMAZING (now read that again and imagine the halleluiah music playing in the background for the word amazing). If you’re on my facebook, odds are you have seen the pictures. Not naked pictures though. God forbid. I know I would be going to hell for sure for that one. Of course I’ve already been condemned for having my own opinions and not taking shit from stupid people. Lawd have mercy! People forget this isn’t the fucking fantastic fifties anymore!
Back to the sex shoes. They are definitely erection inspiring. Just ask casey. I thought he was gonna lose it when I put them on and showed them to him. Yeah, I went there. Oops. Sorry I’m not sorry! Talking about my sex shoes is for cousin Jamie- the best bad influence I’ve ever had! Ha. Seriously though, Jamie was my savior in Virginia. If it wasn’t for her, I would have probably lost my mind and my temper on more than one occasion. I know a couple of you Virginia people read this blog and like to use it to stir shit up. Only thing I have to say to you is…well…get over it. It’s time to cut the bullshit and grow the fuck up. I don’t go around trying to stir shit up for you and obsess over your life.
I know I am a pretty interesting fucking person. Have to be with the size of the fan club I have that likes to keep track of me. ;) Sorry I’m not sorry that I’m so fucking awesome and interesting! Anyway, I should be writing my final exam papers so I guess I’ll get back to that. You may now return to your regularly scheduled life.
Words of wisdom for the day:
Real good Christian people don’t judge. They don’t try to destroy other people’s lives, and they don’t pick and choose which rules of the bible to live by. Hypocrisy won’t do you much good when you get to the pearly gates. Sitting in church every Sunday does not guarantee you a spot in heaven, you have to actually live like a Christian Monday through Saturday as well.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Are you God? No? Didn't think so.
I've had a ridiculous amount of people judging me lately. They make passive aggressive facebook statuses about me (that are really, really obvious, kind of defeats the purpose nit wit), cuss me out in front of my children, and do all kinds of other stupid shit. It's SO MUCH FUN! Nooooooooooot. Honestly, I'm fed up. Who the fuck are you to judge me when your hands arent clean? How can you criticize my mother for the way she raised me when you not only allowed your kids to do drugs, you did it with them? Yep, parent of the year right thurrr! Assholes.
How can you make cracks about me "running from my problems" when you went psycho bitch and took off in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye to the people you knew you would hurt? I'm a shitty parent? Last time I checked, I'm not the one that made plans to abort my unborn child because I panicked at the thought of losing my freedom to party whenever I wanted.
I'm immature? At least I can fight my own battles and don't need someone else to do it for me. I can handle myself. I can take care of myself. I don't need my friends to do it for me, I don't need my parents to do it for me, I don't need a man to do it for me.
I love it when people think that they will get me in check by threatening to talk to Casey. Newsflash you fucking morons...1) By his own words, he will never believe someone else over me because I give him no reason to doubt me. 2) He has no control over me either. You'd think you guys would have figured that out by now! All you're going to wind up doing if you run to him with some bullshit you can't back up is piss him off at YOU. Am I perfect? Fuck no, but he knows that.
Unlike most of you hypocritical high and mighty assholes, I admit I'm not perfect. I don't need to pretend to be either. And at the end of the day, you don't have to live with me, so why should I care what you think? Why should you care what I do? If I light myself on fire and run naked down main street singing barney songs, how will that really affect your life? It wont.
Im sure that this is going to cause some butthurt in the general population with people trying to figure out if Im talking about them...but I honestly don't fucking care. Odds are it isnt about you if you're reading this. That includes the creepers that like to stalk my blog to try and get shit on me. Now that you know I'm not talking about you, get your panties out of a wad and go do your laundry or something.
Here's your advice for the day:
Everyone should learn a not so common second language. That way when you get busted by the cops, you can pretend you don't understand them or the country's laws.
How can you make cracks about me "running from my problems" when you went psycho bitch and took off in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye to the people you knew you would hurt? I'm a shitty parent? Last time I checked, I'm not the one that made plans to abort my unborn child because I panicked at the thought of losing my freedom to party whenever I wanted.
I'm immature? At least I can fight my own battles and don't need someone else to do it for me. I can handle myself. I can take care of myself. I don't need my friends to do it for me, I don't need my parents to do it for me, I don't need a man to do it for me.
I love it when people think that they will get me in check by threatening to talk to Casey. Newsflash you fucking morons...1) By his own words, he will never believe someone else over me because I give him no reason to doubt me. 2) He has no control over me either. You'd think you guys would have figured that out by now! All you're going to wind up doing if you run to him with some bullshit you can't back up is piss him off at YOU. Am I perfect? Fuck no, but he knows that.
Unlike most of you hypocritical high and mighty assholes, I admit I'm not perfect. I don't need to pretend to be either. And at the end of the day, you don't have to live with me, so why should I care what you think? Why should you care what I do? If I light myself on fire and run naked down main street singing barney songs, how will that really affect your life? It wont.
Im sure that this is going to cause some butthurt in the general population with people trying to figure out if Im talking about them...but I honestly don't fucking care. Odds are it isnt about you if you're reading this. That includes the creepers that like to stalk my blog to try and get shit on me. Now that you know I'm not talking about you, get your panties out of a wad and go do your laundry or something.
Here's your advice for the day:
Everyone should learn a not so common second language. That way when you get busted by the cops, you can pretend you don't understand them or the country's laws.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
I R Smart.
Actually I'm feeling blah right now. I am no longer a straight A student. I got a B+ in one of my classes. It's pretty sad. I really would like to throw something right now but I won't. I messed up on my final exam a little bit and missed my A by 3 points. I know that a B is still good, but I was really proud of my straight As. I proved I'm not a slacker and I can handle college work though, so I'm good.
In other news, the Army sucks once again. I can't really say why but we all know that it comes as no surprise. The good idea fairy has been slapping people in the head left and right and the bitch really needs to stop. She's fucking life up for everyone!
Still not a whole lot going on around here, unless you count my spanish stud personality trying to talk me into taking strippers home again. Don't worry, I silenced him with cookies for now. Good for him, bad for my ass.
Speaking of ass, what the fuck is up with bitches and these tiny little shorts?! I mean seriously...look in the mirror before you leave the house. If you look like you got smacked in the ass with a bag of nickels you REALLY should not walk out of the house in booty shorts. No one wants to see your hail dented ass cheeks and thighs handing out of your shorts. Wear capris, bermuda shorts, anything but shit your ass hangs out of. I am no skinny bitch, and THAT is why you wont catch me wearing booty shorts. Kthanks! Also, just because you are thin, doesnt mean you dont have cellulite. You can be a size 2 and still look like you got assaulted with nickels. Get over it. Hit the treadmill or something before you break out the summer shorts.
Anywho, I suppose that's about enough rambling for now. Mom is abandoning me to go to a movie with her pal and I am going to corral my heathen children. By corral I absolutely do not mean tape them to the wall...or a chair...or the couch. The thought never crossed my mind at ALL!
Your friendly tip for the day:
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
tried.
In other news, the Army sucks once again. I can't really say why but we all know that it comes as no surprise. The good idea fairy has been slapping people in the head left and right and the bitch really needs to stop. She's fucking life up for everyone!
Still not a whole lot going on around here, unless you count my spanish stud personality trying to talk me into taking strippers home again. Don't worry, I silenced him with cookies for now. Good for him, bad for my ass.
Speaking of ass, what the fuck is up with bitches and these tiny little shorts?! I mean seriously...look in the mirror before you leave the house. If you look like you got smacked in the ass with a bag of nickels you REALLY should not walk out of the house in booty shorts. No one wants to see your hail dented ass cheeks and thighs handing out of your shorts. Wear capris, bermuda shorts, anything but shit your ass hangs out of. I am no skinny bitch, and THAT is why you wont catch me wearing booty shorts. Kthanks! Also, just because you are thin, doesnt mean you dont have cellulite. You can be a size 2 and still look like you got assaulted with nickels. Get over it. Hit the treadmill or something before you break out the summer shorts.
Anywho, I suppose that's about enough rambling for now. Mom is abandoning me to go to a movie with her pal and I am going to corral my heathen children. By corral I absolutely do not mean tape them to the wall...or a chair...or the couch. The thought never crossed my mind at ALL!
Your friendly tip for the day:
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
tried.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Fake teeth are just as good as no teeth.
Ohhh snap! Two blogs in one day? What a treat for you! I'm not gonna lie...today has kind of sucked out loud. On the way home from Colorado my tire pressure light came on. I thought oh no big, it's happened before and it was nothing. This was about 300 miles from home. I got home, parked bertha in the driveway and took my happy ass to bed. I woke up at 6 this morning to a dead phone and my charger was in the truck. I walked my happy (and mildly delirious and sleep deprived) self outside to get it and realized...FML. My tire is flat.
That should have been my sign to go back to bed, pull the covers over my head and wait for tomorrow to come before I resurfaced. But me being me, always ready to tackle any monster no matter how large, I stayed up to take on the day. It got worse in some aspects but better in others. I'm still fuckin smilin though, even though I got kicked in the fucking teeth. Metaphorically speaking anyway.
Good thing I have a fake front tooth. Just pop it back in with some super glue and I'm good to go again! Just don't give me milk duds. That's when it gets ugly. Despite knowing I have been betrayed in a big way by someone I never expected it from, I'm not even mad. Hurt, yes. Sad, definitely. I just don't have it in me to be mad anymore. Maybe that comes with old age like the ability to take shots and walk in heels and my new-found love for coffee.
Always remember:
Maturity sometimes means biting your tongue even when you are wronged. You may be able to fuck that whole persons world up as revenge...but is it worth the ultimate price that will be paid?
That should have been my sign to go back to bed, pull the covers over my head and wait for tomorrow to come before I resurfaced. But me being me, always ready to tackle any monster no matter how large, I stayed up to take on the day. It got worse in some aspects but better in others. I'm still fuckin smilin though, even though I got kicked in the fucking teeth. Metaphorically speaking anyway.
Good thing I have a fake front tooth. Just pop it back in with some super glue and I'm good to go again! Just don't give me milk duds. That's when it gets ugly. Despite knowing I have been betrayed in a big way by someone I never expected it from, I'm not even mad. Hurt, yes. Sad, definitely. I just don't have it in me to be mad anymore. Maybe that comes with old age like the ability to take shots and walk in heels and my new-found love for coffee.
Always remember:
Maturity sometimes means biting your tongue even when you are wronged. You may be able to fuck that whole persons world up as revenge...but is it worth the ultimate price that will be paid?
No teeth = good stories.
Wow, it's been a week since I bothered with this again. Oops. There's still plenty going on, just still not much I want to put out there for the world to read. Amber and I took off on a road trip to colorado a couple days ago. I must say, it was definitely a fun time. We make good road trip partners despite her wanting to pick up toothless bums. Her theory is he may not have teeth but he probably has a lot of good stories to tell. I said stick him in the bed of the truck but that simply wouldn't do because her $80 straightener was in there! Gasp! So what she's saying is that our lives are worth less than her straightener. Good to know!
I'm pretty sure we stopped at 42 different gas stations looking for a fucking auxillary cord. Out of those 42 gas stations, one had it in stock. Brilliant people that we are, we forgot to buy it when we checked out. Go us! The blonde hair dye is going to amber's brain. I don't know what my excuse is.
The world seems to be about the same on the hypocrisy front. The world is still full of assholes, liars, and stupid people. I guess it's reassuring to know some things will never change. It does suck though when the people you expect it from the least turn into liars and assholes. Or just straight up psycho bitches. Yeah, that sucks too.
What is with people and not having the balls to just speak their mind anymore? I see so much passive aggressive bullshit on facebook anymore it makes me want to pull my hair out. Say what you need to say, no sense in being over-dramatic about it. Especially if you're one of those people that gets pissy with others for starting "drama" of any kind.
I think I will get off of my soapbox now. I'm done ranting. I will do my best to write again before the week is up. I have a lot of missed days to make up for!
Remember folks:
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
I'm pretty sure we stopped at 42 different gas stations looking for a fucking auxillary cord. Out of those 42 gas stations, one had it in stock. Brilliant people that we are, we forgot to buy it when we checked out. Go us! The blonde hair dye is going to amber's brain. I don't know what my excuse is.
The world seems to be about the same on the hypocrisy front. The world is still full of assholes, liars, and stupid people. I guess it's reassuring to know some things will never change. It does suck though when the people you expect it from the least turn into liars and assholes. Or just straight up psycho bitches. Yeah, that sucks too.
What is with people and not having the balls to just speak their mind anymore? I see so much passive aggressive bullshit on facebook anymore it makes me want to pull my hair out. Say what you need to say, no sense in being over-dramatic about it. Especially if you're one of those people that gets pissy with others for starting "drama" of any kind.
I think I will get off of my soapbox now. I'm done ranting. I will do my best to write again before the week is up. I have a lot of missed days to make up for!
Remember folks:
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Sex & High Heels.
When people compliment my mother on how I have turned out, she always tells them that she can take no credit for it. She says I found myself all on my own and became who I am today without her. This is very untrue. My mom has always been there for me. I've seen her get knocked on her ass a million times and she always gets back up. She may cry and scream and throw a fuckin fit befitting a two year old, but she gets back up. That's how I know I'll always turn out ok. I'm cut from the same cloth.
Life is taking me on one hell of a fuckin rollercoaster ride right now, but I'm not ready to get off. I've always loved a challenge and thrived under pressure. I know a lot of people are sitting back waiting for me to crumble but keep on watchin cause it isnt happening. I may stumble but I will not fall. Keep hatin bitches, it only fuels my drive to succeed.
In other news, I gave shitney a cooking lesson today. Had to start her off easy so she didnt get too intimidated by boiling water. I had dinner and a lot of laughs with her, hoe david and tylacking. Im convinced that the 4 of us should never be allowed to go anywhere public together because it would probably end with half the town offended and us in jail. But hey, we'd have a damn fun time and that's what matters right? right.
Oh...I also bought sexy shoes today. I cannot walk in heels to save my fucking life but its like these were magic. I put them on and the shoe Gods granted me the ability to walk in them without lookin like a fuckin fool for once in my life. I put these shoes on with the little dress I get to wear (bridesmaid dress and shoes) and I totally wanted to have sex with myself. Too much? Oh well. That's how hot these damn shoes are. I think I will marry them and a bottle of patron. Yep, drunk in the sexy shoes. Sounds good to me.
Always remember:
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner.
Life is taking me on one hell of a fuckin rollercoaster ride right now, but I'm not ready to get off. I've always loved a challenge and thrived under pressure. I know a lot of people are sitting back waiting for me to crumble but keep on watchin cause it isnt happening. I may stumble but I will not fall. Keep hatin bitches, it only fuels my drive to succeed.
In other news, I gave shitney a cooking lesson today. Had to start her off easy so she didnt get too intimidated by boiling water. I had dinner and a lot of laughs with her, hoe david and tylacking. Im convinced that the 4 of us should never be allowed to go anywhere public together because it would probably end with half the town offended and us in jail. But hey, we'd have a damn fun time and that's what matters right? right.
Oh...I also bought sexy shoes today. I cannot walk in heels to save my fucking life but its like these were magic. I put them on and the shoe Gods granted me the ability to walk in them without lookin like a fuckin fool for once in my life. I put these shoes on with the little dress I get to wear (bridesmaid dress and shoes) and I totally wanted to have sex with myself. Too much? Oh well. That's how hot these damn shoes are. I think I will marry them and a bottle of patron. Yep, drunk in the sexy shoes. Sounds good to me.
Always remember:
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Well shit.
Ok, I know I am absolutely sucking at keeping up with this right now. This past week has been a crazy one though! I flew back to Virginia on wednesday, spent the night with Jamie, woke up Thursday and packed up everything I could in the bed and back seat of my truck, grabbed my dog and made my great escape. I drove straight back to Texas, without stopping for anything but gas. For those of you who dislike me that I know stalk the shit out of this blog, hate on me for leaving all you fucking want. Truth is, it isnt any of your fucking business. Worry about your own life, or lack thereof.
At hour 14 of my drive (at about 1am) I got a smidge tired and delirious. I spent the next couple hours calling playing phone tag with Heidi and having some of the weirdest conversations I have ever had in my entire life. It may or may not have included shaving a dog, how a shaved pussy would be better than a shaved dog, and would lime jello shots with patron in them taste good?...Yeah. It was interesting.
I went home for a whopping 3 hours then loaded up and made my way to Killeen. I had a weekend full of great friends and good times. Yes, I spent my nights drunk and my days sipping on drinks. Who cares? Vacation is the time for drinking and that was definitely a mini vacation for me!
Im back home now and it's time to bury my nose back in my school books and hunt for a job. Im just trying to keep myself busy and distracted so I can make it through these long ass days. One of these days I will talk about what's going on. For now, it will just stay locked away.
At hour 14 of my drive (at about 1am) I got a smidge tired and delirious. I spent the next couple hours calling playing phone tag with Heidi and having some of the weirdest conversations I have ever had in my entire life. It may or may not have included shaving a dog, how a shaved pussy would be better than a shaved dog, and would lime jello shots with patron in them taste good?...Yeah. It was interesting.
I went home for a whopping 3 hours then loaded up and made my way to Killeen. I had a weekend full of great friends and good times. Yes, I spent my nights drunk and my days sipping on drinks. Who cares? Vacation is the time for drinking and that was definitely a mini vacation for me!
Im back home now and it's time to bury my nose back in my school books and hunt for a job. Im just trying to keep myself busy and distracted so I can make it through these long ass days. One of these days I will talk about what's going on. For now, it will just stay locked away.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Fire? Fire = firemen. Score!
It isnt the 4th of July unless you catch a field on fire...twice. Yesterday I had my birthday party/4th of July bash. It was fucking EPIC. Kris and I killed a bottle of patron by ourselves. I had a shot for breakfast, a shot for lunch and 5 shots for dinner. Hey, I had lime too, so there's my fruit for the day. Needless to say, I was a tad tipsy. And when I say a tad, I really mean beyond shit faced.
I was sitting outside, minding my own business, talking to casey on messenger and half watching the fireworks that were being set off when suddenly I hear people yelling to get the kids on the porch and call the fire department...whaaaaa? I look up and sure enough, they caught the field on fire. Good job guys. I watch the excitement for a minute and go back to talking to casey. Everything calmed down again and then they started shooting off more fireworks. Not 5 minutes later I hear MORE yelling. Holy fuck, they did it again. I looked up just in time to see a firework shoot sideways and hit the shed not far from where I was sitting. What did my drunk ass do? I sat there and giggled.
No one ever said I am of sound mind! The fire dept came out once again and they put a damper on the festivities...literally. No mas fireworks for us! Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. At this point I decided it would be a good idea to go jump on the trampoline. I may or may not have cussed out some guy on the phone that was being a dick to my sister...it was the patron talking. My mom told me today she has a feeling she's going to be handing out a lot of apologies to the parents of the kids in this area for my potty mouth. :) heehee.
All in all it was an amazing night with a lot of amazing family and friends there to help celebrate. I am lucky to have all these people in my life and I don't know what I would do without them.
Your parting advice for the night:
When doing fireworks, even if you think you wet enough grass to avoid a fire, wet more because you probably didn't.
I was sitting outside, minding my own business, talking to casey on messenger and half watching the fireworks that were being set off when suddenly I hear people yelling to get the kids on the porch and call the fire department...whaaaaa? I look up and sure enough, they caught the field on fire. Good job guys. I watch the excitement for a minute and go back to talking to casey. Everything calmed down again and then they started shooting off more fireworks. Not 5 minutes later I hear MORE yelling. Holy fuck, they did it again. I looked up just in time to see a firework shoot sideways and hit the shed not far from where I was sitting. What did my drunk ass do? I sat there and giggled.
No one ever said I am of sound mind! The fire dept came out once again and they put a damper on the festivities...literally. No mas fireworks for us! Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. At this point I decided it would be a good idea to go jump on the trampoline. I may or may not have cussed out some guy on the phone that was being a dick to my sister...it was the patron talking. My mom told me today she has a feeling she's going to be handing out a lot of apologies to the parents of the kids in this area for my potty mouth. :) heehee.
All in all it was an amazing night with a lot of amazing family and friends there to help celebrate. I am lucky to have all these people in my life and I don't know what I would do without them.
Your parting advice for the night:
When doing fireworks, even if you think you wet enough grass to avoid a fire, wet more because you probably didn't.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Blue balls
Sooooo as some of you may know, today is my birthday! I decided to come spend it with my kick ass friend heidi. It was of course my usual random spur of the moment decision.
We decided we should definitely go out for my birthday. We got all dolled up and took off for the club with her friend "beefy" in tow. Ok, more like he had us in tow since he drove so we could get silly drunk. We definitely accomplished that. I had 3 shots of patron, 4 vegas bombs, 2 blue balls shots, 2 margaritas, and 2 miller lites. I was epically drunk.
After the club we went to breakfast where I proceeded to knock my fucking dr pepper off the table right into my lap. Gooooo me! Oh well, shit happens. I still ate my breakfast and laughed and had a good time.
Beefy and heidi often take off on random adventures. I decided that since it was my birthday, I needed a fucking adventure dammit!!! I want to swim! So we went back to heidis house where we grabbed drinks, towels, and put on our swimsuits, then off to the lake we went.
If I included every detail of our night this blog would go on forever. We had ridiculously funny conversations all night and just had a lot of fun. Especially when turtlemigo tried to sneak attack beefy for throwing rocks at him. Fucking epic.
That's all for now, but just remember:
Your memories are only as good as the people you make them with.
We decided we should definitely go out for my birthday. We got all dolled up and took off for the club with her friend "beefy" in tow. Ok, more like he had us in tow since he drove so we could get silly drunk. We definitely accomplished that. I had 3 shots of patron, 4 vegas bombs, 2 blue balls shots, 2 margaritas, and 2 miller lites. I was epically drunk.
After the club we went to breakfast where I proceeded to knock my fucking dr pepper off the table right into my lap. Gooooo me! Oh well, shit happens. I still ate my breakfast and laughed and had a good time.
Beefy and heidi often take off on random adventures. I decided that since it was my birthday, I needed a fucking adventure dammit!!! I want to swim! So we went back to heidis house where we grabbed drinks, towels, and put on our swimsuits, then off to the lake we went.
If I included every detail of our night this blog would go on forever. We had ridiculously funny conversations all night and just had a lot of fun. Especially when turtlemigo tried to sneak attack beefy for throwing rocks at him. Fucking epic.
That's all for now, but just remember:
Your memories are only as good as the people you make them with.
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Tuesday, June 28, 2011
50 is right around the corner.
Have you ever had one of those days that by the end of it you are wishing you had a giant bottle of vodka to drown yourself in? No? Me either...HA. I had one of those days today. I didnt know if I should laugh, cry, scream or just shoot myself in the foot. Ok, probably not the last option, that would be a bad idea. Too much paperwork, plus it might delay my escape.
In less than 24 hours I will be in Texas with my amazing family that I have kind of under-valued at times. They are loving, supportive, and only half crazy...ok maybe more than half. But they're fun!
I was talking to my darling husband earlier and we had a fun conversation. No it wasn't sexual, get your mind out of the gutter for 2 minutes dammit. I made a crack about seeing someone around here I know he absolutely despises. I told him she is looking mighty fine lately and he said "Compared to what? A circus elephant?" Personally, I think circus elephants are awesome. He shouldn't insult them like that. Then he pointed out that in just a couple days I will be 24. As if I could forget! I have been counting down the days looking forward to my birthday for almost 3 weeks now!
Being the super duper loving and funny man that he is, he then tells me "Just think, in 26 years you will be 50." Dick. My response? "Just think, in 26 years, you'll be 61." Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Can you feel the love here? We're fucking unique, that's for damn sure.
I suppose I should get off here and go to sleep since I have to get up at too fucking ealy o'clock in the morning. I will of course leave you with words of wisdom:
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of explosives.
In less than 24 hours I will be in Texas with my amazing family that I have kind of under-valued at times. They are loving, supportive, and only half crazy...ok maybe more than half. But they're fun!
I was talking to my darling husband earlier and we had a fun conversation. No it wasn't sexual, get your mind out of the gutter for 2 minutes dammit. I made a crack about seeing someone around here I know he absolutely despises. I told him she is looking mighty fine lately and he said "Compared to what? A circus elephant?" Personally, I think circus elephants are awesome. He shouldn't insult them like that. Then he pointed out that in just a couple days I will be 24. As if I could forget! I have been counting down the days looking forward to my birthday for almost 3 weeks now!
Being the super duper loving and funny man that he is, he then tells me "Just think, in 26 years you will be 50." Dick. My response? "Just think, in 26 years, you'll be 61." Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Can you feel the love here? We're fucking unique, that's for damn sure.
I suppose I should get off here and go to sleep since I have to get up at too fucking ealy o'clock in the morning. I will of course leave you with words of wisdom:
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of explosives.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
8 legged freaks...battle 5000
So I'm sitting on the couch today just chillin, with my arm above my head on the back of the couch...suddenly I feel a little tickle. I flick my wrist thinking it's my hair and I feel it again, but more intense...I pull my arm down from behind my head and come face to ugly fucking face with a fucking mutant spider. I may or may not have flipped out a little bit.
After my initial freak out and slapping the spider and flinging my arms around wildly, I sit back and look for the little bastard...nowhere to be found. Well shit. Here we go again, someone get me the dish soap. I call my mom to tell her the insanity of what just happened to me and while I am on the phone my 4 year old looks at me and says in a dead serious tone..."Mom, you are a sissy baby. It's JUST a spider."
I'll remember that next time you're screaming for me to kill one you little turd. I was cleaning off the couch of all the teasures my children leave there for me to find later and I pulled back a cushion...and there the little (and by little of course I mean big mutant fuck) sat. Dead as a mofo. HAHAHAHAHA. I win. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
This is pretty much an absolutely pointless post, but I figure some of you will giggle. I swear I have felt shit crawling on me all damn day since that happened. My mind is playing cruel tricks on me now. The moral of this story is...I always win. I will squash you!
Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
After my initial freak out and slapping the spider and flinging my arms around wildly, I sit back and look for the little bastard...nowhere to be found. Well shit. Here we go again, someone get me the dish soap. I call my mom to tell her the insanity of what just happened to me and while I am on the phone my 4 year old looks at me and says in a dead serious tone..."Mom, you are a sissy baby. It's JUST a spider."
I'll remember that next time you're screaming for me to kill one you little turd. I was cleaning off the couch of all the teasures my children leave there for me to find later and I pulled back a cushion...and there the little (and by little of course I mean big mutant fuck) sat. Dead as a mofo. HAHAHAHAHA. I win. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
This is pretty much an absolutely pointless post, but I figure some of you will giggle. I swear I have felt shit crawling on me all damn day since that happened. My mind is playing cruel tricks on me now. The moral of this story is...I always win. I will squash you!
Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Aw HELL nah.
It's been too long since my last blog, I am failing miserably here! I've been keeping pretty busy lately. Counting down the days until I get to visit with my family again for a week.
My thoughts tonight...when will people grow the fuck up? At what age do you really hit maturity? And why do some people never hit it at all? Maybe they are fucked up from all their issues and incapable of being adults about things, or maybe they just prefer to start drama and bullshit wherever they go. Who knows?
It amazes me the lengths that some people go to to get "dirt" on other people. Why bother? Who are you to them really? Most likely a big fat nobody. I've said it before and I'll say it again...unless you are feeding, fucking, or financing me I do not give a shit what your opinion is of me. In the grand scheme of life, you have no influence over me.
I have opinions and lucky for me God gave me a mouth to voice them with. I am not a barefoot in the kitchen 50s housewife. Fuck your couch. If you don't like my opinion, that's your issue. I got rid of the filter on my mouth quite some time ago. I have IDontGiveAShititis. Currently, there is no known cure and it may or may not be contagious. Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your husband too cause I'm cussin everybody out up in here. ;)
Now that I have successfully gotten my vent off my chest, I will leave you with words of wisdom as usual.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
My thoughts tonight...when will people grow the fuck up? At what age do you really hit maturity? And why do some people never hit it at all? Maybe they are fucked up from all their issues and incapable of being adults about things, or maybe they just prefer to start drama and bullshit wherever they go. Who knows?
It amazes me the lengths that some people go to to get "dirt" on other people. Why bother? Who are you to them really? Most likely a big fat nobody. I've said it before and I'll say it again...unless you are feeding, fucking, or financing me I do not give a shit what your opinion is of me. In the grand scheme of life, you have no influence over me.
I have opinions and lucky for me God gave me a mouth to voice them with. I am not a barefoot in the kitchen 50s housewife. Fuck your couch. If you don't like my opinion, that's your issue. I got rid of the filter on my mouth quite some time ago. I have IDontGiveAShititis. Currently, there is no known cure and it may or may not be contagious. Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your husband too cause I'm cussin everybody out up in here. ;)
Now that I have successfully gotten my vent off my chest, I will leave you with words of wisdom as usual.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
F*ck my couch? No no no. F*ck YOUR couch.
Every night I sit down in front of this computer and open up this blog. lately, I have just had some serious writers block. I have been too tired to remember my own name, much less how to be funny. So what have I been dealing with lately? Let me fill you in...
Last week my youngest son decided it would be a good idea to throw a rock at my truck. The little brat busted out my back passenger window. When asked why he would do this, he tells me "Well mom, i didn't think you wanted your truck anymore." Really?! REALLY?! I love my truck. $300 later, it has a pretty new window...again. What is it with me and windows lately? Two windows in two months. My truck is going to go on strike if I don't protect it better. As for my rock throwing son, well, he hasnt thrown any rocks lately. Good man.
Rori has decided that the food I give her isn't enough, so she has managed to houdini herself off her chain every fucking day and drag the garbage all over the yard. When i say yard, think field. My yard is a fucking field. My backyard is a fucking cornfield. Yes, I am serious. I finally outsmarted the little fuck though. I bought a harness to replace her collar. Guess who didn't have to pick up trash today? My kids. Ha, you didn't really think I was picking it all up myself did you? Slave labor my good man, slave labor. You know it's the main reason people have kids!
Despite all the shit lately, I stay in a pretty good mood most of the time. I'm happy, probably because I am seriously looking forward to my trip to texas, but happy is happy.
I'm really missing the love of my life right now. I think about him all day every day and I can't wait to see him again. I'm ready to be snuggled up in his arms where I can let my worries melt away. I'm ready for some other stuff too, but I gotta keep this PG-13. ; )
Since it's been a while since the last time I left you with good life advice, here's a couple for the night:
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There’s no use in being a damn fool about it.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Last week my youngest son decided it would be a good idea to throw a rock at my truck. The little brat busted out my back passenger window. When asked why he would do this, he tells me "Well mom, i didn't think you wanted your truck anymore." Really?! REALLY?! I love my truck. $300 later, it has a pretty new window...again. What is it with me and windows lately? Two windows in two months. My truck is going to go on strike if I don't protect it better. As for my rock throwing son, well, he hasnt thrown any rocks lately. Good man.
Rori has decided that the food I give her isn't enough, so she has managed to houdini herself off her chain every fucking day and drag the garbage all over the yard. When i say yard, think field. My yard is a fucking field. My backyard is a fucking cornfield. Yes, I am serious. I finally outsmarted the little fuck though. I bought a harness to replace her collar. Guess who didn't have to pick up trash today? My kids. Ha, you didn't really think I was picking it all up myself did you? Slave labor my good man, slave labor. You know it's the main reason people have kids!
Despite all the shit lately, I stay in a pretty good mood most of the time. I'm happy, probably because I am seriously looking forward to my trip to texas, but happy is happy.
I'm really missing the love of my life right now. I think about him all day every day and I can't wait to see him again. I'm ready to be snuggled up in his arms where I can let my worries melt away. I'm ready for some other stuff too, but I gotta keep this PG-13. ; )
Since it's been a while since the last time I left you with good life advice, here's a couple for the night:
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There’s no use in being a damn fool about it.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Uh ohhhhhh.
So it's been 3 days since my last blog. I'm failing you miserably. I have plenty going on, just not so much I want to put out there for everyone to be in my business. So today I shall do another get to know me thing.
1. My ex...
Used to be a really nice guy.
2. Maybe I should...
Stop smoking again.
3. I love...
This totally amazing man.
4. People would say that i'm...
A little bit nutty, but I'm ok with that.
5. I don't understand...
People that need mommy and daddy to fight their battles for them.
6. When i wake up in the morning...
I trip over my own two feet, and cuss a lot because I am normally running on 3-4 hours of sleep max.
7. I lost...
I would say my mind, but you can't lose something you never had.
8. Life is full of...
Surprises. Sometimes pleasant, sometimes ugly.
9. My past is...
what made me who I am today. Maybe you don't like who I am. Well, fuck your couch. I like who I am.
10. I get annoyed when...
I can only find one shoe.
11. Parties are...
Ehhh, it depends on what it is for. I like to have parties with my family, other than that, not so much for the party scene.
12. I wish...
For a lot of things. Right now I wish I could be done with college already.
13. Dogs...
Are a man's best friend. And woman's biggest enemy when they get into the fucking trash repeatedly. Anyone want a great dane? =)
14. Cats...
Are not my cup of tea. I am not going to be the old lady with all the cats. I'm going to be the old lady with tattoos and a pack of great danes.
15. Tomorrow...
Puts me one day closer to getting back to Texas and I am beyond thrilled.
16. I have low tolerance...
For bullshit and broken promises.
17. If I had a million dollars...
I would but some of my family members some class.
18. I'm totally terrified...
That one of these mornings I am going to wake up with one of these fucking mutant spiders trying to eat my face.
1. My ex...
Used to be a really nice guy.
2. Maybe I should...
Stop smoking again.
3. I love...
This totally amazing man.
4. People would say that i'm...
A little bit nutty, but I'm ok with that.
5. I don't understand...
People that need mommy and daddy to fight their battles for them.
6. When i wake up in the morning...
I trip over my own two feet, and cuss a lot because I am normally running on 3-4 hours of sleep max.
7. I lost...
I would say my mind, but you can't lose something you never had.
8. Life is full of...
Surprises. Sometimes pleasant, sometimes ugly.
9. My past is...
what made me who I am today. Maybe you don't like who I am. Well, fuck your couch. I like who I am.
10. I get annoyed when...
I can only find one shoe.
11. Parties are...
Ehhh, it depends on what it is for. I like to have parties with my family, other than that, not so much for the party scene.
12. I wish...
For a lot of things. Right now I wish I could be done with college already.
13. Dogs...
Are a man's best friend. And woman's biggest enemy when they get into the fucking trash repeatedly. Anyone want a great dane? =)
14. Cats...
Are not my cup of tea. I am not going to be the old lady with all the cats. I'm going to be the old lady with tattoos and a pack of great danes.
15. Tomorrow...
Puts me one day closer to getting back to Texas and I am beyond thrilled.
16. I have low tolerance...
For bullshit and broken promises.
17. If I had a million dollars...
I would but some of my family members some class.
18. I'm totally terrified...
That one of these mornings I am going to wake up with one of these fucking mutant spiders trying to eat my face.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Santa is a dirty hooker.
Apparently Santa does not hibernate except for one day out of the year. That fucker steals milk during the rest of the year. Give it to him on Christmas and he just takes it any other time!
Ok, back story...I went to the store and bought a gallon of milk earlier. Came home, put groceries away, and then went to Ashley's house to let the kids all play together. I get home and decide it's a lazy kind of night so we should have cereal for dinner. I know, I'm a bad parent. Sue me. I go to the fridge to get out the milk and had a WTF moment. I was seriously doubting my sanity. The milk had been opened and some was gone.
I sent a text to Casey's cousin that lives right by me asking if he hijacked my milk. He said lol, no not me. I asked if his roommate did...nope not him either...then he says "Maybe it was santa claus. he probably needed milk for his bowl of raisin bran." Then it clicked. Matt has jacked my milk for his raisin bran before. Dirty slut.
Now I know I am not losing my mind. Ok, I really DONT know that, but I can pretend I'm not because I wasnt imagining the disappearing milk issue.
I'm counting down the days to being back in texas now. I can't wait. I couldn't run away from there fast enough a few weeks ago. I thought I was burnt out and needed a change of scenery to rid myself of the bullshit hanging around back there. Have you ever run so fast from bullshit that you unintentionally ran smack into a pile of elephant shit? I did. Now I can't get back to texas quick enough.
Everyone should believe in something...I belive I'll have another beer.
Ok, back story...I went to the store and bought a gallon of milk earlier. Came home, put groceries away, and then went to Ashley's house to let the kids all play together. I get home and decide it's a lazy kind of night so we should have cereal for dinner. I know, I'm a bad parent. Sue me. I go to the fridge to get out the milk and had a WTF moment. I was seriously doubting my sanity. The milk had been opened and some was gone.
I sent a text to Casey's cousin that lives right by me asking if he hijacked my milk. He said lol, no not me. I asked if his roommate did...nope not him either...then he says "Maybe it was santa claus. he probably needed milk for his bowl of raisin bran." Then it clicked. Matt has jacked my milk for his raisin bran before. Dirty slut.
Now I know I am not losing my mind. Ok, I really DONT know that, but I can pretend I'm not because I wasnt imagining the disappearing milk issue.
I'm counting down the days to being back in texas now. I can't wait. I couldn't run away from there fast enough a few weeks ago. I thought I was burnt out and needed a change of scenery to rid myself of the bullshit hanging around back there. Have you ever run so fast from bullshit that you unintentionally ran smack into a pile of elephant shit? I did. Now I can't get back to texas quick enough.
Everyone should believe in something...I belive I'll have another beer.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Hell Yeah!
I finished my criminalistics class yesterday. I've been waiting for my last two grades to get my final average for the class. I logged in tonight and it was posted! I couldn't look at first. What if I totally fucked up writing under the influence of five children? What if I made no fucking sense at all?! Shit.
Ok, I looked. And this is the feedback I found on my final exam that consisted of five essays.
"Hi Hailey,
The first thing I want to say is thank you so much for taking the time to be in this class. I have enjoyed having you and you have been an outstanding student. I remember you told me that this was one of the first college courses that you have taken. Well let me tell you that as a professor and instructor of detectives, you have been an excellent student and I wish that every student would communicate, write and participate as well as you have. Please continue on your path and I wish you nothing less than a great future. 100/100"
I ended the class with a perfect 100 average.
*Ahem* So, to all you hatin assholes that thought I wasn't smart enough to go to college...fuck your couch. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Or in your juicebox and suck it, whatever you prefer. mmmk? Mmmmk. Have a nice day!
Ok, I looked. And this is the feedback I found on my final exam that consisted of five essays.
"Hi Hailey,
The first thing I want to say is thank you so much for taking the time to be in this class. I have enjoyed having you and you have been an outstanding student. I remember you told me that this was one of the first college courses that you have taken. Well let me tell you that as a professor and instructor of detectives, you have been an excellent student and I wish that every student would communicate, write and participate as well as you have. Please continue on your path and I wish you nothing less than a great future. 100/100"
I ended the class with a perfect 100 average.
*Ahem* So, to all you hatin assholes that thought I wasn't smart enough to go to college...fuck your couch. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Or in your juicebox and suck it, whatever you prefer. mmmk? Mmmmk. Have a nice day!
Monday, June 13, 2011
It's all about me b*tches.
So I couldn't decide if I wanted to write about myself, or about the fact that I am having a sleepover with a bunch of munchkins tonight. We'll go with...me. Duh. So here are some little known facts about yours truly.
*I call people sunshine as a term of endearment.
*If I say things are just peachy, I'm lying through my fucking teeth.
*I like to dip my french fries in all kinds of different sauces. I like a combo of mayo and ketchup together. I also like BBQ sauce (blame that one on my mother).
*I'm addicted to the buffalo chicken deli meat from Hall's Deli.
*I could live on grilled cheese.
*If I drink any other soda but Dr. Pepper, I feel like I'm cheating on it.
*I like pie. Preferably pumpkin pie.
*I'm crazy enough to invite 5 extra kids over to my house for a sleepover as a spur of the moment decision.
That's just a few of the little facts that make up this awesome fucking person. Now excuse me while I deal with twice the normal amount of I-have-to-pee madness.
*I call people sunshine as a term of endearment.
*If I say things are just peachy, I'm lying through my fucking teeth.
*I like to dip my french fries in all kinds of different sauces. I like a combo of mayo and ketchup together. I also like BBQ sauce (blame that one on my mother).
*I'm addicted to the buffalo chicken deli meat from Hall's Deli.
*I could live on grilled cheese.
*If I drink any other soda but Dr. Pepper, I feel like I'm cheating on it.
*I like pie. Preferably pumpkin pie.
*I'm crazy enough to invite 5 extra kids over to my house for a sleepover as a spur of the moment decision.
That's just a few of the little facts that make up this awesome fucking person. Now excuse me while I deal with twice the normal amount of I-have-to-pee madness.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Take me seriously!
I finally called home to talk to a few people earlier tonight. I've been slacking, but fuck, I am tired dammit! I had a nice long conversation with my mom during which she laughed her ass off at me. The sad part? I wasn't trying to be funny. I was dead serious. She says that's what makes the shit I say so funny. I say...whatevah!
I told mom and my mimi about my God awful sleeping (or not sleeping) habits and how I have gotten to the point where I function better on no sleep than plenty of sleep. Their solution? Move back to Texas. Obviously my family cannot properly operate without me there to bitch slap sense into everyone. That's ok though, I like being their hero. Or the family bitch, whichever you prefer to call me.
I miss my friends and family back home. Well, most of them. The ones that don't annoy me every time they open their mouths...
My 5 year old has decided to try and blackmail (bribe, whatever) me into shipping his ass back to Texas to live with mimi. Don't get me wrong, I see the appeal and all, but...Fuck. No. Living with mimi is great, don't get me wrong. God knows I have spent plenty of my years living with her as a result of the shit I went through when I was younger. This situation is different though.
Jon told me that he will not listen to me or do anything I ask until I send him back to live in Texas. My response? Wooden. Fucking. Spoon. I am the boss dammit! I am in charge!! Unless Jessa is awake...then that Diva tries to run this shit. She actually told me today she was going to kick my butt because I wouldn't give her a binky. Gotta love having 3 boys and one girl right? Right.
Anyway, I need to work on my criminalistics final exam. I have to write 5 short essays. I'm so excited I could just...go to sleep. Not what you expected was it?
Here is your pearl of wisdom for the day:
Never go to bed with anyone crazier than you.
I told mom and my mimi about my God awful sleeping (or not sleeping) habits and how I have gotten to the point where I function better on no sleep than plenty of sleep. Their solution? Move back to Texas. Obviously my family cannot properly operate without me there to bitch slap sense into everyone. That's ok though, I like being their hero. Or the family bitch, whichever you prefer to call me.
I miss my friends and family back home. Well, most of them. The ones that don't annoy me every time they open their mouths...
My 5 year old has decided to try and blackmail (bribe, whatever) me into shipping his ass back to Texas to live with mimi. Don't get me wrong, I see the appeal and all, but...Fuck. No. Living with mimi is great, don't get me wrong. God knows I have spent plenty of my years living with her as a result of the shit I went through when I was younger. This situation is different though.
Jon told me that he will not listen to me or do anything I ask until I send him back to live in Texas. My response? Wooden. Fucking. Spoon. I am the boss dammit! I am in charge!! Unless Jessa is awake...then that Diva tries to run this shit. She actually told me today she was going to kick my butt because I wouldn't give her a binky. Gotta love having 3 boys and one girl right? Right.
Anyway, I need to work on my criminalistics final exam. I have to write 5 short essays. I'm so excited I could just...go to sleep. Not what you expected was it?
Here is your pearl of wisdom for the day:
Never go to bed with anyone crazier than you.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
No. F*cking. Way.
I am currently not battling spiders...but am preparing to battle swamp thing. I was unaware that virginia had random flooding episodes. The roof is leaking in two of my bathrooms and the doors to the outside in my room and the boys room is leaking. Im not sure I could even drive my truck out of here, if I could even wade through the swamp to get to it. I should have packed hip waders, if not for the rain then definitely for the bullshit around here.
I come from a small town where everyone knows everyone else's business, but this takes the cake. I can't sneeze without 6 people telling my mother in law if I covered my mouth or not. Ok, I'm exaggerating. More like 4 people. The cell service blows, even with having two phones from two different companies. This place is a fuckin black hole.
In other news, I am looking forward to my birthday for the first time in years. It normally is a sad time of year for me but I am determined to turn it around this year. 2 nights (hopefully) in Killeen to party it up with my friends there, and then a big cookout with fireworks on the 4th with all my hometown friends and family. Life is good.
I come from a small town where everyone knows everyone else's business, but this takes the cake. I can't sneeze without 6 people telling my mother in law if I covered my mouth or not. Ok, I'm exaggerating. More like 4 people. The cell service blows, even with having two phones from two different companies. This place is a fuckin black hole.
In other news, I am looking forward to my birthday for the first time in years. It normally is a sad time of year for me but I am determined to turn it around this year. 2 nights (hopefully) in Killeen to party it up with my friends there, and then a big cookout with fireworks on the 4th with all my hometown friends and family. Life is good.
Friday, June 10, 2011
You must be smoking crack.
I am becoming more and more convinced that the people in this state are on some serious fucking drugs. I'm looking for a nanny, 24 hours a week so that I can accomplish my schoolwork easier. I found this nice girl, but she had to go and fucking ruin it this morning. Seriously. She wants $300 a week, plus $10 an hour for any overtime. Um, listen skank, I didnt pay that much for a FULL time nanny. Can this bitch even do math? I mean really, how are you going to ask for pay that equals out to $12.50 an hour, and then $10 an hour for overtime? Fuck her couch. Maybe she is from west virginia...
So the search continues for affordable and reliable child care. I just need this for the summer guys, cut me some slack! Both boys are getting back into school this fall. Now let's just pray to God that they leave the F bombs at home and don't get kicked out again...Did I mention my children are evil? Yeah. They used to cuss out their teachers at the private christian school on a regular basis. These little turds need Jesus.
I finally settled on birthday plans. I'm going back to good ole Tejas for some good old fashioned debauchery. I don't want anyone getting butthurt over my plans either! I am going to go spend two days with my K-town friends and the rest of the time I will be in B-town. If you wanna see me, you hafta find meeeeeeeee. I am not going to go chasing all over 3 counties to visit everyone. I'll be at mimi's.
I'm super duper excited. It's been a hot minute since I had a smile on my face I couldn't wipe off. Maybe I've missed home just a little bit. I'm a texas girl at heart and I always will be. If you don't like Texas, well then fuck your couch!
So the search continues for affordable and reliable child care. I just need this for the summer guys, cut me some slack! Both boys are getting back into school this fall. Now let's just pray to God that they leave the F bombs at home and don't get kicked out again...Did I mention my children are evil? Yeah. They used to cuss out their teachers at the private christian school on a regular basis. These little turds need Jesus.
I finally settled on birthday plans. I'm going back to good ole Tejas for some good old fashioned debauchery. I don't want anyone getting butthurt over my plans either! I am going to go spend two days with my K-town friends and the rest of the time I will be in B-town. If you wanna see me, you hafta find meeeeeeeee. I am not going to go chasing all over 3 counties to visit everyone. I'll be at mimi's.
I'm super duper excited. It's been a hot minute since I had a smile on my face I couldn't wipe off. Maybe I've missed home just a little bit. I'm a texas girl at heart and I always will be. If you don't like Texas, well then fuck your couch!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
I'm on fiiiiiiiii-yahhhhhhhh
I just smoked my school work bitches. After a week of not being able to think for shit, I just sat down and did two essays in two hours. I may have had to break out the bullshit a little bit, but I think I did alright, for an insane person anyway.
I can't believe I am almost done with one of my classes. This is my last week of criminalistics and I must say, I will miss it. Despite driving me crazy at first, I really like my teacher. He's a cool guy. His spelling killed me a little bit, but hey, he knows damn good writing when he sees it. =)
I'm still not so patiently awaiting my corrected grade on my last sociology writing assignment. It gets annoying that my school is 3 hours behind me. Then again, it does give me until 3 am the day after an assignment is due to get it done. Ohhh yeahhh. Pimpin aint easy bitches.
I dont really have much to write about today. It's been a pretty boring and uneventful day. Time to start the countdown to my birthday and plan out the excellence that is going to take place. Go big or go home! You know how I roll.
I can't believe I am almost done with one of my classes. This is my last week of criminalistics and I must say, I will miss it. Despite driving me crazy at first, I really like my teacher. He's a cool guy. His spelling killed me a little bit, but hey, he knows damn good writing when he sees it. =)
I'm still not so patiently awaiting my corrected grade on my last sociology writing assignment. It gets annoying that my school is 3 hours behind me. Then again, it does give me until 3 am the day after an assignment is due to get it done. Ohhh yeahhh. Pimpin aint easy bitches.
I dont really have much to write about today. It's been a pretty boring and uneventful day. Time to start the countdown to my birthday and plan out the excellence that is going to take place. Go big or go home! You know how I roll.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Muah ha ha ha ha
I promised an update, so here it is. After a night and day of cat and mouse, or human and spider, whichever you wanna call it, I won. I was getting up to look for my phone charger that I apparently hid from myself and saw something in my livingroom floor next to my mirror. "That looks like a spider" I thought to myself...I crept up on it, flip flop in hand...and the mother fucker jumped. Right into the mirror, where it then had no escape. SMACK! He's dead, I win, and I didn't even have to break out the dish soap this time. Stick that in your juicebox and suck it.
Have I mentioned how much I fucking despise spiders? I swear to God, the first morning I wake up with one in bed, or crawl into bed with one of these bitches at night, I am moving. I. Am. Fucking. Moving. That is how serious this shit is to me. Fuck these creepy little eight legged bastards. "But they eat the bugs, and they keep other bugs out of the house." Yeah? So does raid, asshole. "Trap it and put it outside"...fuck your couch.
Who in their RIGHT fucking mind is going to chase down a spider only a little smaller than a tarantula that moves faster than a fucking jungle cat to trap it and put it back outside, where it will inevitably make its way BACK inside. Then you have to do the whole wash, rinse, repeat. I'm not a repeat kind of girl. Wash and rinse. Smash and trash. Hasta la bye bye mother fucker, let your demise serve as a lesson to your brothers in arms.
Another day has come and gone, so I'm another day closer to having my husband back. He wouldn't be of any service in the spider department though. He will literally scream like a woman and run like hell from a spider, even if the spider runs from him first. You want comedy? Watch my 210lb husband (who is very built, not fat) run and jump on a chair to get away from a spider. He sends our 5 year old in to kill them for him. Big brave man huh? Fight the bad guys? No problem. Kill a spider? No fucking way. I love him anyway. Tough guys have to be scared of something, right? Right.
Now I think I will take my leave. I still have a lot of homework to make my way through. I'm getting there though, slowly but surely. Here's a pearl of wisdom for you to contemplate as you lie in wait for my next blog as I did with the spider...
Whoever says words can't hurt you has obviously never been smacked in the face with a dictionary.
Have I mentioned how much I fucking despise spiders? I swear to God, the first morning I wake up with one in bed, or crawl into bed with one of these bitches at night, I am moving. I. Am. Fucking. Moving. That is how serious this shit is to me. Fuck these creepy little eight legged bastards. "But they eat the bugs, and they keep other bugs out of the house." Yeah? So does raid, asshole. "Trap it and put it outside"...fuck your couch.
Who in their RIGHT fucking mind is going to chase down a spider only a little smaller than a tarantula that moves faster than a fucking jungle cat to trap it and put it back outside, where it will inevitably make its way BACK inside. Then you have to do the whole wash, rinse, repeat. I'm not a repeat kind of girl. Wash and rinse. Smash and trash. Hasta la bye bye mother fucker, let your demise serve as a lesson to your brothers in arms.
Another day has come and gone, so I'm another day closer to having my husband back. He wouldn't be of any service in the spider department though. He will literally scream like a woman and run like hell from a spider, even if the spider runs from him first. You want comedy? Watch my 210lb husband (who is very built, not fat) run and jump on a chair to get away from a spider. He sends our 5 year old in to kill them for him. Big brave man huh? Fight the bad guys? No problem. Kill a spider? No fucking way. I love him anyway. Tough guys have to be scared of something, right? Right.
Now I think I will take my leave. I still have a lot of homework to make my way through. I'm getting there though, slowly but surely. Here's a pearl of wisdom for you to contemplate as you lie in wait for my next blog as I did with the spider...
Whoever says words can't hurt you has obviously never been smacked in the face with a dictionary.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
F*ck you and your 8 legs.
Im quite a fucking sight tonight y'all. Im sitting here minding my own fucking business when i see something creeping across the living room floor. It is a massive fucking spider. I threw back the blanket to squash the fucker and it took the fuck OFF. that bastard was moving. So I of course I pursued. I am not going to sleep while this bastard is running around. I don't want his company in my bed.
Picture this: Me running around with one flip flop on my foot and one in my hand, smash, miss. Smash, miss. Then it disappears. I jump up in the chair it went behind and look for it, no dice. Well, no spider anyway. So then I sit here in wait for it. Im currently lacking bug spray so I went for the next best thing. My gain scented dishwashing detergent. Don't judge me.
Finally the little fucker comes out. I launched an ait assault, and missed. Shit, he's gone again. Oh wait, there he is, under the desk. I aim and squirt again, hoping only to slow his ass down. Again I miss. He disappears once again and I resume my post on the couch. Then I see him creeping along the back wall under my desk. I creep over to the chair and climb up as he runs back toward it. Got you this time mother fucker. I know you're hiding under my guitar hero guitars.
Well, everyone is wrong at come point in their life ok? He wasnt there. I hit the guitar and prepared to pounce, and was disappointed. So here I sit, lying in wait. He has to come out sometime right? Cat and mouse...I will prevail dammit. Maybe. Hopefully, because that fucker is going to make me too paranoid to sleep if he doesnt meet an untimely demise soon.
I shall update when his poor life is taken. Until then, rock out with your cocks out, but wrap it before you tap it.
Picture this: Me running around with one flip flop on my foot and one in my hand, smash, miss. Smash, miss. Then it disappears. I jump up in the chair it went behind and look for it, no dice. Well, no spider anyway. So then I sit here in wait for it. Im currently lacking bug spray so I went for the next best thing. My gain scented dishwashing detergent. Don't judge me.
Finally the little fucker comes out. I launched an ait assault, and missed. Shit, he's gone again. Oh wait, there he is, under the desk. I aim and squirt again, hoping only to slow his ass down. Again I miss. He disappears once again and I resume my post on the couch. Then I see him creeping along the back wall under my desk. I creep over to the chair and climb up as he runs back toward it. Got you this time mother fucker. I know you're hiding under my guitar hero guitars.
Well, everyone is wrong at come point in their life ok? He wasnt there. I hit the guitar and prepared to pounce, and was disappointed. So here I sit, lying in wait. He has to come out sometime right? Cat and mouse...I will prevail dammit. Maybe. Hopefully, because that fucker is going to make me too paranoid to sleep if he doesnt meet an untimely demise soon.
I shall update when his poor life is taken. Until then, rock out with your cocks out, but wrap it before you tap it.
Hangover: Hailey Edition
I'm back to trying to get in my one blog per day. So far so good, but it's only day two. That's one day closer to seeing my husband again though.
Lately I have had so many people tell me they dont know how I am handling all that I am, how I'm not breaking down. They want to know how I manage to keep picking myself back up and dusting myself off...It's just what I do. I don't need to lay in the floor and drown in self pity. If I start to feel that way, I just find something to make me mad. Then the fire consumes me and I fight with everything I have. I was not born weak, nor was I raised to be weak.
I don't think my problems are any more difficult than the next person's either. Everyone fights with their own demons. Some are bigger than others in the grand scheme of things, but no matter the size in reality, it may seem 10 times bigger to the person dealing with it. Never undermine someone else's struggles. This isn't Mario, we aren't all trying to get the 1up.
I should be doing my homework right now, but instead I am sitting on my couch, half asleep, blogging about nothingness again. I have so much built up inside of me right now that I could easily turn this one blog into a novela, but I will keep it semi-short and not so sweet. Holy crap batman, I haven't dropped any f-bombs yet! Fuck. Ok, that's better.
This chick has a birthday coming up soon! I'm thinking a weekend getaway and a lot of debauchery. Probably drunken debauchery, as it is the best kind to have. Hookers, cocaine, and monkeys. The hangover: Hailey edition. Ok, we can leave out the cocaine because I don't and wont do drugs. I prefer hugs. Yeah, I went there. Gay huh? Anyway, I suppose that I will take my leave again to work on...well who knows.
Pearl of wisdom for the day:
A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Lately I have had so many people tell me they dont know how I am handling all that I am, how I'm not breaking down. They want to know how I manage to keep picking myself back up and dusting myself off...It's just what I do. I don't need to lay in the floor and drown in self pity. If I start to feel that way, I just find something to make me mad. Then the fire consumes me and I fight with everything I have. I was not born weak, nor was I raised to be weak.
I don't think my problems are any more difficult than the next person's either. Everyone fights with their own demons. Some are bigger than others in the grand scheme of things, but no matter the size in reality, it may seem 10 times bigger to the person dealing with it. Never undermine someone else's struggles. This isn't Mario, we aren't all trying to get the 1up.
I should be doing my homework right now, but instead I am sitting on my couch, half asleep, blogging about nothingness again. I have so much built up inside of me right now that I could easily turn this one blog into a novela, but I will keep it semi-short and not so sweet. Holy crap batman, I haven't dropped any f-bombs yet! Fuck. Ok, that's better.
This chick has a birthday coming up soon! I'm thinking a weekend getaway and a lot of debauchery. Probably drunken debauchery, as it is the best kind to have. Hookers, cocaine, and monkeys. The hangover: Hailey edition. Ok, we can leave out the cocaine because I don't and wont do drugs. I prefer hugs. Yeah, I went there. Gay huh? Anyway, I suppose that I will take my leave again to work on...well who knows.
Pearl of wisdom for the day:
A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Monday, June 6, 2011
The bug man lies.
Do you ever have one of those days when you just want to throw every piece of technology you own against a wall and be done with it? I am having one of those days today. This place is the freaking devil for this shit. I can barely do my schoolwork. My internet will work perfectly at 2 in the damn morning when my ass should be sleeping but by God it will not work right during normal hours. My mother tells me to fix my sleep schedule. Sure, let me do that. I'd never get a fuckin thing done!
Back in texas I got pissed at the amount of little house spiders that infested my house. I got the house treated and told the guy I was moving up to Virginia. He told me oh the spiders are not near as bad there as here. Texas is the worst for spiders. Fuck. His. Couch. Sideways, upside down, running up a hill, and sliding down the grass. Fuck it. Liar liar I hope his pants catch on fire and spiders bite his toes. A "house spider" in this damn house is at least the size of a quarter with its legs out, if not a bit bigger at the best of times. They're sneaky too, and fucking fast, AND the mother fuckers JUMP. Imagine me half chasing a spider to smoosh it with my shoe. At the dinner table. Yes sir, that shit happened.
I need pills for my ADD shit. I can't decide what I want to do. Blog, unpack, or do my homework. I am bouncing around doing it all and of course as a result my house looks like a tornado hit it and I can honestly say it wasnt the kids for once. Well, except in their room. It was allll them in their room. Possibly the dog too. I'd be lyin if I said I know who is responsible for any of that mess. Speaking of dogs, I am fairly certain my daughter is really a puppy. She pees in the floor, bites her brothers, and chews on the furniture. Maybe I should put some newspaper down and wipe her brothers down with tabasco sauce. Then again, CPS would probably frown on that so I guess I'll pass.
I need to have been a parent 30 years ago when kids acted right because they knew their asses would be beat down for popping off. Again, wooden spoon, FTW! Unfortunately my wooden spoons are packed away somewhere. Damn this moving shit! When I get back to texas, I am going to refuse to move again. If we HAVE to move, I will call up some house movers and sit on my couch while they drive me to wherever we are going.
It's been a hot minute since I handed out my daily advice, so here it is ladies and perverts:
Junk is something you keep for years and then throw away three weeks before you need it.
Back in texas I got pissed at the amount of little house spiders that infested my house. I got the house treated and told the guy I was moving up to Virginia. He told me oh the spiders are not near as bad there as here. Texas is the worst for spiders. Fuck. His. Couch. Sideways, upside down, running up a hill, and sliding down the grass. Fuck it. Liar liar I hope his pants catch on fire and spiders bite his toes. A "house spider" in this damn house is at least the size of a quarter with its legs out, if not a bit bigger at the best of times. They're sneaky too, and fucking fast, AND the mother fuckers JUMP. Imagine me half chasing a spider to smoosh it with my shoe. At the dinner table. Yes sir, that shit happened.
I need pills for my ADD shit. I can't decide what I want to do. Blog, unpack, or do my homework. I am bouncing around doing it all and of course as a result my house looks like a tornado hit it and I can honestly say it wasnt the kids for once. Well, except in their room. It was allll them in their room. Possibly the dog too. I'd be lyin if I said I know who is responsible for any of that mess. Speaking of dogs, I am fairly certain my daughter is really a puppy. She pees in the floor, bites her brothers, and chews on the furniture. Maybe I should put some newspaper down and wipe her brothers down with tabasco sauce. Then again, CPS would probably frown on that so I guess I'll pass.
I need to have been a parent 30 years ago when kids acted right because they knew their asses would be beat down for popping off. Again, wooden spoon, FTW! Unfortunately my wooden spoons are packed away somewhere. Damn this moving shit! When I get back to texas, I am going to refuse to move again. If we HAVE to move, I will call up some house movers and sit on my couch while they drive me to wherever we are going.
It's been a hot minute since I handed out my daily advice, so here it is ladies and perverts:
Junk is something you keep for years and then throw away three weeks before you need it.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Well shit.
Its been a couple days since I wrote but damn I've just been having too much fun. My cousins have been in from texas and I gotta show them a good time! Better than a two cent hooker on b.o.g.o night!
I've been making it alright. Ive got a couple of amazing friends and family members here for me and at least they have the good sense to act like adults. I've got people trying to bring me down left and right, but what else is knew? If you aren't feeding, financing, or fucking me then in the grand scheme of planet hailey, you don't matter that much. I'll add emotionally supporting me to the 3 f rule. So if you aren't doing one of those, fuck your couch. I don't care about your opinion.
Have you ever been to washington dc? Have you ever been lost in dc? No? Try it sometime. But make sure and do it with 3 kids in the car. Patience is running low and threats are not working. Even with my giant cousin issuing them.
We've had a good visit this weekend. My closest texas cousins got to meet my closest virginia cousins and its been one hell of a redneck style good time.
As my cousin jamie tells me, I'm a fucking rock and I can make it just fine here. She also tells me to finish unpacking my boxes instead of going to out too, so obviously she's at least half cracked. Unpacking is no fun y'all! Besides, no point in unpacking since she's already convinced I'll move in with her within a month.
I'm a lucky lucky girl to have the people in my life that love me and they far outweigh the haters. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
I've been making it alright. Ive got a couple of amazing friends and family members here for me and at least they have the good sense to act like adults. I've got people trying to bring me down left and right, but what else is knew? If you aren't feeding, financing, or fucking me then in the grand scheme of planet hailey, you don't matter that much. I'll add emotionally supporting me to the 3 f rule. So if you aren't doing one of those, fuck your couch. I don't care about your opinion.
Have you ever been to washington dc? Have you ever been lost in dc? No? Try it sometime. But make sure and do it with 3 kids in the car. Patience is running low and threats are not working. Even with my giant cousin issuing them.
We've had a good visit this weekend. My closest texas cousins got to meet my closest virginia cousins and its been one hell of a redneck style good time.
As my cousin jamie tells me, I'm a fucking rock and I can make it just fine here. She also tells me to finish unpacking my boxes instead of going to out too, so obviously she's at least half cracked. Unpacking is no fun y'all! Besides, no point in unpacking since she's already convinced I'll move in with her within a month.
I'm a lucky lucky girl to have the people in my life that love me and they far outweigh the haters. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
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Thursday, June 2, 2011
Who am I?
I decided today I will give you the rundown on who I really am. Obviously you know I am a wife and mother. I am a sister and a daughter. I am more than that though. Here's more about yours truly.
* I cuss when I'm mad and even when I'm not.
* I will take dr pepper over any other soda in the world.
* My favorite color has been blue since I was a kid. I'm not fickle. It doesn't change.
* I will always be anti-gnome. I refuse to even buy the movie gnomeo and juliet because of this.
* I will always feel more at home in my big blue truck than any sports car you can put me in.
* I will always speak my mind, whether you think I am supposed to have one or not.
* I will never bow down to popular opinion. I don't need to be popular with anyone but my husband. And as long as I show him my boobies, we are good to go.
* I don't believe blood has a damn thing to do with family bond.
* I like pumpkin pie.
* I would rather freeze my ass off than burn up when I am inside. This is why I keep 4 million blankets.
* My dog annoys me to the point that I want to let her off her leash and leave her outside sometimes. Unfortunately, she doesnt understand how to run away.
* I am honestly not much of a drinker. If you catch me drinking a lot it's normally because I am pissed off about something.
* I'll take a bud light over any other beer any day thanks.
* My hot baths are my sanity. Fuck with my me time and I will injur your face.
* I say fuck your couch a lot. Sometimes jokingly but mostly always seriously.
* I hate packing and unpacking.
* Spiders creep me out.
* So do polish people.
* That last one was a joke.
* I have met Satan, and she likes to wear mini skirts.
* I don't throw in the towel unless it is what I want. I dont let other people or their actions dictate what I do.
* Even if I want to fall into your arms and cry my heart out, I wont.
* I'm just me. A 23 year old girl who grew up way too fast.
I don't really have any advice for you today. I'm making my way through my own personal hell one day at a time and praying things go by quickly.
* I cuss when I'm mad and even when I'm not.
* I will take dr pepper over any other soda in the world.
* My favorite color has been blue since I was a kid. I'm not fickle. It doesn't change.
* I will always be anti-gnome. I refuse to even buy the movie gnomeo and juliet because of this.
* I will always feel more at home in my big blue truck than any sports car you can put me in.
* I will always speak my mind, whether you think I am supposed to have one or not.
* I will never bow down to popular opinion. I don't need to be popular with anyone but my husband. And as long as I show him my boobies, we are good to go.
* I don't believe blood has a damn thing to do with family bond.
* I like pumpkin pie.
* I would rather freeze my ass off than burn up when I am inside. This is why I keep 4 million blankets.
* My dog annoys me to the point that I want to let her off her leash and leave her outside sometimes. Unfortunately, she doesnt understand how to run away.
* I am honestly not much of a drinker. If you catch me drinking a lot it's normally because I am pissed off about something.
* I'll take a bud light over any other beer any day thanks.
* My hot baths are my sanity. Fuck with my me time and I will injur your face.
* I say fuck your couch a lot. Sometimes jokingly but mostly always seriously.
* I hate packing and unpacking.
* Spiders creep me out.
* So do polish people.
* That last one was a joke.
* I have met Satan, and she likes to wear mini skirts.
* I don't throw in the towel unless it is what I want. I dont let other people or their actions dictate what I do.
* Even if I want to fall into your arms and cry my heart out, I wont.
* I'm just me. A 23 year old girl who grew up way too fast.
I don't really have any advice for you today. I'm making my way through my own personal hell one day at a time and praying things go by quickly.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Jesus h christ.
For the record, I have my big girl panties on. Hard shit gets thrown my way, I turn it into a fucking joke. Oh I wanna cry? I turn that into a joke too. You wanna get me down? Fuck your God damned couch.
Have you met me? Maybe. Do you know me? That's probably a ten fucking negative ghost rider. I've hit my point where I really do not give a flying fuck. Welcome to my world bitches.
I am responsible for me. I dont need a bodyguard or a babysitter. I handle myself thanks. I don't get butthurt and I don't cry like a little bitch to get my way. I'm me. If you don't like me, turn the other fucking cheek. I'm about to rock your whole God damned world.
This is me. I just don't fucking care.
Have you met me? Maybe. Do you know me? That's probably a ten fucking negative ghost rider. I've hit my point where I really do not give a flying fuck. Welcome to my world bitches.
I am responsible for me. I dont need a bodyguard or a babysitter. I handle myself thanks. I don't get butthurt and I don't cry like a little bitch to get my way. I'm me. If you don't like me, turn the other fucking cheek. I'm about to rock your whole God damned world.
This is me. I just don't fucking care.
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Tuesday, May 31, 2011
You are not God.
Well shit, I missed a day. Take me to the gallows. I've kind of discovered this great thing in the past 5 days. It's called a busy life! Insane isn't it?
I'm pretty sick of childish drama these days. I graduated high school 6 years ago and I do not have the desire to participate in it with grown ass people. What is WRONG with people these days? It must be all the crack cocaine still lingering in the gene pool from the 60s.
Obviously some people do not know me very well. Talking about me is not going to break me. Publicly ignoring me is not going to break me. If you are not a part of what I consider my inner circle, I do not care what you think. I will smile in your face just to annoy you.
Also, people, if you are a "good christian person" you would not take it upon yourself to judge people and then try to dole out some sort of punishment because you have a God complex. Let other people make their own decisions about things and stop trying to influence them.
Hi my name is haileymotherfuckingpillerdizzle and I am not going to tuck my tail and run because someone thinks I should. I will stand my fucking ground and if you don't like, then fuck your couch.
I'm pretty sick of childish drama these days. I graduated high school 6 years ago and I do not have the desire to participate in it with grown ass people. What is WRONG with people these days? It must be all the crack cocaine still lingering in the gene pool from the 60s.
Obviously some people do not know me very well. Talking about me is not going to break me. Publicly ignoring me is not going to break me. If you are not a part of what I consider my inner circle, I do not care what you think. I will smile in your face just to annoy you.
Also, people, if you are a "good christian person" you would not take it upon yourself to judge people and then try to dole out some sort of punishment because you have a God complex. Let other people make their own decisions about things and stop trying to influence them.
Hi my name is haileymotherfuckingpillerdizzle and I am not going to tuck my tail and run because someone thinks I should. I will stand my fucking ground and if you don't like, then fuck your couch.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Halleluyer.
I have internet again! I am disappointed with AT&T right now. They are fucking my life up. I got tired of running around with my hand in the air in the field behind the store trying to catch my husband's calls, so I caved and got another verizon phone. It's pretty bitchin.
My first night in virginia I stayed with cousin Jamie. We sat outside on her pimp ass deck and drank margaritas to our hearts content. Well, I did. She was drinking something else. We had conversations about the insanity of our families, looked at old as pictures of my husband wearing what I swear to God was once a grandmother's curtains, and cracked highly inappropriate jokes. She's my kind of people.
My second night in town I went out with a different cousin. We listened to a band, drank beer, and I picked him out lots of super sexy girlfriends. He turned them all down though. He just needed more beer or lower standards...or maybe a combination of the two. We had a really good time and he has now inducted me into the lifetime game of mooseknuckle. If you know what it is, yay! If you don't, I can't tell you. Sorry charlie. All the cool kids are doing it, and you get to keep your clothes on. Bummer, right? Right.
Today I went and hung with another friend, Ashley. She's alright for a white girl. There was no alcohol involved today unfortunately. Tomorrow is another day though. She made me some bomb ass spicy chicken wrap. It was very bueno to my el stomacho.
I hope you enjoyed my blog last night. I was rushing to post it before midnight, and all I could think of was how bad I needed to pee. Kati was nor helping matters. We were flying (going 35) down some back roads to Jamie's house again and we saw a deer. This brought on a whole conversation about how you don't hit deer, they hit you. It's an evil conspiracy plotted out by the insurance companies. That's my theory anyway, and also another story for another time.
I've been a busy girl for the past couple of days and it has been nice. Now I need to do the responsible adult thing and work on my homework since it's due in two days. This is why I prefer to have my shit taken care of 3 weeks in advance. I did get another 100 on my criminalistics essay though! I'm a pretty happy girl right now. I really, really miss my husband though.
My first night in virginia I stayed with cousin Jamie. We sat outside on her pimp ass deck and drank margaritas to our hearts content. Well, I did. She was drinking something else. We had conversations about the insanity of our families, looked at old as pictures of my husband wearing what I swear to God was once a grandmother's curtains, and cracked highly inappropriate jokes. She's my kind of people.
My second night in town I went out with a different cousin. We listened to a band, drank beer, and I picked him out lots of super sexy girlfriends. He turned them all down though. He just needed more beer or lower standards...or maybe a combination of the two. We had a really good time and he has now inducted me into the lifetime game of mooseknuckle. If you know what it is, yay! If you don't, I can't tell you. Sorry charlie. All the cool kids are doing it, and you get to keep your clothes on. Bummer, right? Right.
Today I went and hung with another friend, Ashley. She's alright for a white girl. There was no alcohol involved today unfortunately. Tomorrow is another day though. She made me some bomb ass spicy chicken wrap. It was very bueno to my el stomacho.
I hope you enjoyed my blog last night. I was rushing to post it before midnight, and all I could think of was how bad I needed to pee. Kati was nor helping matters. We were flying (going 35) down some back roads to Jamie's house again and we saw a deer. This brought on a whole conversation about how you don't hit deer, they hit you. It's an evil conspiracy plotted out by the insurance companies. That's my theory anyway, and also another story for another time.
I've been a busy girl for the past couple of days and it has been nice. Now I need to do the responsible adult thing and work on my homework since it's due in two days. This is why I prefer to have my shit taken care of 3 weeks in advance. I did get another 100 on my criminalistics essay though! I'm a pretty happy girl right now. I really, really miss my husband though.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Oh snap.
Blah blah. Whatever. Here's my blog for the day.
I like beer. By texas time I hit my mark. More tomorrow.
I gotta piss now.
I like beer. By texas time I hit my mark. More tomorrow.
I gotta piss now.
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Friday, May 27, 2011
Cat in the hat aint got shit on us.
We now bring you a book written by Hailz, K-ho, and Stephanie aka the Coconut Monkey. Dr Suess style-ish.
"My feet are fat, they are so swollen,
And there's dead babies on the mantle.
I do not like them sam I am.
I would not could not smash the coconut monkey.
But I do not know how to get the money out.
I hate that bastard sam I am.
I hate the book sam I am, sam I am.
I will not conform to green eggs and ham.
I got records on my hands.
Throw me a line, any kind of line
It does not have to rhyme.
I do not have cocaine sam I am
So I would not could not throw you a line.
I got records on my hands
And a redecorating dog.
Bitch stole my boyfriend.
Show me how you burlesque
or at least play the fucking songs.
Waddle, waddle across the room
Do not beat me with a broom.
Everything I am rhyming in my head
has to do with drugs.
I cannot rhyme sam I am
So shut the fuck up.
I think my dog is part dingo
Maybe you should have named him bingo.
Bingo Dingo."
"My feet are fat, they are so swollen,
And there's dead babies on the mantle.
I do not like them sam I am.
I would not could not smash the coconut monkey.
But I do not know how to get the money out.
I hate that bastard sam I am.
I hate the book sam I am, sam I am.
I will not conform to green eggs and ham.
I got records on my hands.
Throw me a line, any kind of line
It does not have to rhyme.
I do not have cocaine sam I am
So I would not could not throw you a line.
I got records on my hands
And a redecorating dog.
Bitch stole my boyfriend.
Show me how you burlesque
or at least play the fucking songs.
Waddle, waddle across the room
Do not beat me with a broom.
Everything I am rhyming in my head
has to do with drugs.
I cannot rhyme sam I am
So shut the fuck up.
I think my dog is part dingo
Maybe you should have named him bingo.
Bingo Dingo."
Thursday, May 26, 2011
No cutting!
This is what Kati and I were screaming at the top of our lungs when some dude in a toy truck cut us off and slammed on his brakes. We were screaming this with the windows up. We aren't trying to get shot ok? I brought my pepper spray but alas, my taser is packed and so is my wooden spoon.
Speaking of a wooden spoon, I got mad the other day (sunday) and threw it across the room. Casey looked at me later and said "Really hailey, who the hell keeps a wooden spoon handy on the desk?" Relly honey, have you MET me? I keep a wooden spoon handy dammit.
Kati and I flew through Tejas like there was an angry metal eating chipmunk chasing the truck. I blew past a cop doing 83 in a 70 and he put his donut down and proceeded to come after my ass. He caught up to me, and then some freaking moron blew past him! Hello stupid, he didn't have me pulled over yet. Mr cop man took off after that person instead. High five for luck being on my side for once!
We blew through louisiana as well. The highway fucking sucked and it smelled like hot garbage in some parts. Kudos to them for having tall fucking trees though. Kristina would pee herself in excitement. Mississippi is...pretty. And full of fucking tard boxes. This roadtrip is flying by. Probably because once you get out of texas the other states seem to flash past.
It took me a total of 6.5 hours of driving to get out of Texas. I love that state, but shit, it's too damn big. All you jackasses that assume two people from texas in a neighboring state oughta know each other need to pass the peace pipe and stop puffing on it. Do you KNOW how big that freaking place it? I didn't even know my neighbors much less someone from the other side of the state.
Anyway, I guess I'll shut this bitch off and conserve energy so I can blog more later.
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
Speaking of a wooden spoon, I got mad the other day (sunday) and threw it across the room. Casey looked at me later and said "Really hailey, who the hell keeps a wooden spoon handy on the desk?" Relly honey, have you MET me? I keep a wooden spoon handy dammit.
Kati and I flew through Tejas like there was an angry metal eating chipmunk chasing the truck. I blew past a cop doing 83 in a 70 and he put his donut down and proceeded to come after my ass. He caught up to me, and then some freaking moron blew past him! Hello stupid, he didn't have me pulled over yet. Mr cop man took off after that person instead. High five for luck being on my side for once!
We blew through louisiana as well. The highway fucking sucked and it smelled like hot garbage in some parts. Kudos to them for having tall fucking trees though. Kristina would pee herself in excitement. Mississippi is...pretty. And full of fucking tard boxes. This roadtrip is flying by. Probably because once you get out of texas the other states seem to flash past.
It took me a total of 6.5 hours of driving to get out of Texas. I love that state, but shit, it's too damn big. All you jackasses that assume two people from texas in a neighboring state oughta know each other need to pass the peace pipe and stop puffing on it. Do you KNOW how big that freaking place it? I didn't even know my neighbors much less someone from the other side of the state.
Anyway, I guess I'll shut this bitch off and conserve energy so I can blog more later.
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Penis penis penis, vagina vagina vagina.
I had a lot of funny stuff in my head I was going to blog about earlier, but seeing as I have sometimers, I kind of already forgot. I fail epically. I've had three doses of crazy today and I think that might be a record for one days worth.
I made my rounds here in my hometown saying goodbyes but I know I still missed a couple people. I love all of you though! Well, some of you. Others I barely tolerate on good days. If you got this link directly from my facebook page, rest easy little one, I like you. Maybe. Bahahahahaha.
This morning I got a phone call at 9am from my husband. It kind of made my day. Not 2 minutes after answering the phone though, the doorbell rang. Oh shit! It was the movers. I catapulted out of bed and rooted through the laundry in a daze trying to find pajama pants and continue my conversation with my husband at the same time. I found them and put them on. During my mad dash downstairs I realized...oh shit, I'm not wearing a fucking bra. The girls were free to roam the yard so to speak.
I managed to simultaneously cross my arms over my chest, hold the phone to my ear, and open the front door all at once. The guy looked a little scared when I opened the door. I probably would have to. I continued to have my simultaneous phone conversation and assured the mover man that yes, I would find my keys and move my truck. First thing first...I needed a bra. I made another mad dash upstairs where I continued my phone conversation with my husband, peed, found real pants, put on a bra, and then made a mad dash back downstairs to move my truck.
As I was walking out of the bathroom, I turned and looked in the mirror. O.M.geeze. My hair was literally sticking out in every direction imaginable and I had a mildly crazy look in my eyes. Ok, it really bordered on flat out insane. I smoothed my hair into place and went downstairs to move my truck and face the movers with as much dignity as I could muster.
An hour and a half later, I was a hot sweaty mess from loading my truck. I went to the bathroom to pack up my last minute shit and had another OMG moment. I was wearing a white t-shirt...with my black and hot pink lacy bra...that you could see through my shirt. That might explain why I felt like I was getting funny looks.
I am pretty much past the point of having dignity anymore. I mean, I've given birth three times with a room full of people looking at my vagina. Yes, I said vagina. Grow up people. This concludes my lovely ramble of the day. Hopefully you have enjoyed a glimpse into the life of a slightly crazy army wife.
Your advice for the day:
When your children get unruly, use a nice safe playpen. When they are finished, carefully climb out.
I made my rounds here in my hometown saying goodbyes but I know I still missed a couple people. I love all of you though! Well, some of you. Others I barely tolerate on good days. If you got this link directly from my facebook page, rest easy little one, I like you. Maybe. Bahahahahaha.
This morning I got a phone call at 9am from my husband. It kind of made my day. Not 2 minutes after answering the phone though, the doorbell rang. Oh shit! It was the movers. I catapulted out of bed and rooted through the laundry in a daze trying to find pajama pants and continue my conversation with my husband at the same time. I found them and put them on. During my mad dash downstairs I realized...oh shit, I'm not wearing a fucking bra. The girls were free to roam the yard so to speak.
I managed to simultaneously cross my arms over my chest, hold the phone to my ear, and open the front door all at once. The guy looked a little scared when I opened the door. I probably would have to. I continued to have my simultaneous phone conversation and assured the mover man that yes, I would find my keys and move my truck. First thing first...I needed a bra. I made another mad dash upstairs where I continued my phone conversation with my husband, peed, found real pants, put on a bra, and then made a mad dash back downstairs to move my truck.
As I was walking out of the bathroom, I turned and looked in the mirror. O.M.geeze. My hair was literally sticking out in every direction imaginable and I had a mildly crazy look in my eyes. Ok, it really bordered on flat out insane. I smoothed my hair into place and went downstairs to move my truck and face the movers with as much dignity as I could muster.
An hour and a half later, I was a hot sweaty mess from loading my truck. I went to the bathroom to pack up my last minute shit and had another OMG moment. I was wearing a white t-shirt...with my black and hot pink lacy bra...that you could see through my shirt. That might explain why I felt like I was getting funny looks.
I am pretty much past the point of having dignity anymore. I mean, I've given birth three times with a room full of people looking at my vagina. Yes, I said vagina. Grow up people. This concludes my lovely ramble of the day. Hopefully you have enjoyed a glimpse into the life of a slightly crazy army wife.
Your advice for the day:
When your children get unruly, use a nice safe playpen. When they are finished, carefully climb out.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
You'll catch more flies with honey.
Who the fuck wants to catch flies? Not this chick. How about you kill more flies with a bug zapper than catching them in effing honey. That's more like it.
I really tried to be nice to this bitch on the phone earlier but it just wasn't working. As you may have guessed my husband is deployed and I needed to shut his phone off. Apparently AT&T doesnt do military suspensions anymore. So they had to have a copy of his orders and shut the phone off completely.
Ok, no big deal right? WRONG! According to miss I cant speak fucking english, I should have called two weeks prior to his deployment date to insure it would be disconnected by the time he left the good ole US. Well, I didnt WANT his damn phone shut off two weeks before he left. I want it shut off today, thanks.
I spent for fucking ever arguing with this woman and wasted 30 minutes of my life I will never get back. I finally resorted to throwing a massive fucking hissy fit that may or may not have been mature...who cares though? I fucking won. I knew there was more that hooker could do and she was lying to me. I wasnt getting shit being nice to her but by God I broke out the fly zapper and shit started happening!
This woman actually told me, AFTER I informed her he was already ut of the US, that I needed to tell my husband not to turn his phone on. Yes, let me shoot him a message with my fucking mind canon. That'll totally work! Too easy. Really?! REALLY?! I almost responded with "Fuck your couch" but I censored myself and instead told her to stop trying to screw me out of my money and make shit happen.
In the end, I won. Of course! Did you expect anything else? So Hazel, if by chance you ever read this, Neener neener neener. I win, you lose. Stick that in your juicebox and suck it. Fuck your couch. Take some classes on learning english. Kthanksbuhbye.
I really tried to be nice to this bitch on the phone earlier but it just wasn't working. As you may have guessed my husband is deployed and I needed to shut his phone off. Apparently AT&T doesnt do military suspensions anymore. So they had to have a copy of his orders and shut the phone off completely.
Ok, no big deal right? WRONG! According to miss I cant speak fucking english, I should have called two weeks prior to his deployment date to insure it would be disconnected by the time he left the good ole US. Well, I didnt WANT his damn phone shut off two weeks before he left. I want it shut off today, thanks.
I spent for fucking ever arguing with this woman and wasted 30 minutes of my life I will never get back. I finally resorted to throwing a massive fucking hissy fit that may or may not have been mature...who cares though? I fucking won. I knew there was more that hooker could do and she was lying to me. I wasnt getting shit being nice to her but by God I broke out the fly zapper and shit started happening!
This woman actually told me, AFTER I informed her he was already ut of the US, that I needed to tell my husband not to turn his phone on. Yes, let me shoot him a message with my fucking mind canon. That'll totally work! Too easy. Really?! REALLY?! I almost responded with "Fuck your couch" but I censored myself and instead told her to stop trying to screw me out of my money and make shit happen.
In the end, I won. Of course! Did you expect anything else? So Hazel, if by chance you ever read this, Neener neener neener. I win, you lose. Stick that in your juicebox and suck it. Fuck your couch. Take some classes on learning english. Kthanksbuhbye.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Hi, my name is haileymotherf*ckingpillerdizzle.
I am so thankful for my friends and family right now. Despite the fact that I have refused to answer my phone for my parents calling, I am grateful you guys called. I wasn't ready to let myself fall totally to pieces and I knew talking to you would make me.
I have been kept busy tonight by my friends Heidi and Kristina. K and I went to dinner and had a few laughs at someone else's expense. It was very interesting. H-bomb brought me over to her house to meet her bomb ass roommate and then we devoured large amounts of cookie dough and ice cream, but not cookie dough ice cream.
I'm home now though. I need to work on all my homework. First thing first though...I'm letting myself fall to pieces in a big way right now. I've earned it. I have stood strong through the packing and the goodbyes. I joked my way through the past week, even when most people would have thought I would fall apart. In your fucking face. I'm a lot stronger than you thought I am.
I will now take my leave and cry into my cheerios. Tomorrow I will pick myself up, dust myself off, hold my head high and push through whatever life throws my way next. I am haileymotherfuckingpillerdizzle, and I can do this.
I have been kept busy tonight by my friends Heidi and Kristina. K and I went to dinner and had a few laughs at someone else's expense. It was very interesting. H-bomb brought me over to her house to meet her bomb ass roommate and then we devoured large amounts of cookie dough and ice cream, but not cookie dough ice cream.
I'm home now though. I need to work on all my homework. First thing first though...I'm letting myself fall to pieces in a big way right now. I've earned it. I have stood strong through the packing and the goodbyes. I joked my way through the past week, even when most people would have thought I would fall apart. In your fucking face. I'm a lot stronger than you thought I am.
I will now take my leave and cry into my cheerios. Tomorrow I will pick myself up, dust myself off, hold my head high and push through whatever life throws my way next. I am haileymotherfuckingpillerdizzle, and I can do this.
;dfakg;sgja;ljsdfkljg
A blog a day keeps the psychiatrist away. The boxes are calling my name, telling me to pack them. I would rather just sit here though and be comfy in my desk chair. Contemplating the meaning of life and all that good shit.
I don't have much to ramble about right now. I'm tired. Im going to crank up my music and drown out my thoughts and just go with the flow for the next 48 hours until I hit the road.
Tip of the day:
Killing people with kindness is better than literally killing them. Why? Because you wont go to jail for it.
I don't have much to ramble about right now. I'm tired. Im going to crank up my music and drown out my thoughts and just go with the flow for the next 48 hours until I hit the road.
Tip of the day:
Killing people with kindness is better than literally killing them. Why? Because you wont go to jail for it.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Hee Hee Hooooooo
Old mother hubbard doesn't have shit on my cupboard. Everything is packed away or thrown away. Our rooms are getting very bare and the boxes in the garage are multiplying. It's time. The movers will be here in 48 hours. Just breathe. Breathe...Ok enough lamaze bullshit. Let's break things.
I'm surprisingly composed. I'm not freaking out...yet. It's not goodbye. It's just See you later. This is what I repeat in my head, along with a lot of dirty words every time I break a dish. I have my headphones in at all times that I possibly can. My music is keeping me sane. Well, to the men in my house, possibly insane...I am prone to random dancing and singing fits. Normally only when I think they aren't looking or listening.
I don't really have a lot to say today. I will now return to my own little world.
Tip for the day:
People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.
I'm surprisingly composed. I'm not freaking out...yet. It's not goodbye. It's just See you later. This is what I repeat in my head, along with a lot of dirty words every time I break a dish. I have my headphones in at all times that I possibly can. My music is keeping me sane. Well, to the men in my house, possibly insane...I am prone to random dancing and singing fits. Normally only when I think they aren't looking or listening.
I don't really have a lot to say today. I will now return to my own little world.
Tip for the day:
People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Jesus isn't on pacific time.
You thought I was going to miss my blog today, didn't you? Oh ye of little faith. Its been a busy day of doing...not much. I made an amazing triple chocolate cake with homemade peanut butter frosting. Yum.
I'm counting the time I have left in the company of my husband. I'm counting seconds because the number is a lot bigger.
I'm blogging and driving. Gotta make a late night taco bell run. I'm going to miss these too. I'm going to miss a lot of things. Like the games casey and I play. My favorite is to see who can get the best reaction from the other pointing out the trashy broads in this town.
So much for rapture today huh?
Your advice for today isn't funny. Cherish the people you love.
I'm counting the time I have left in the company of my husband. I'm counting seconds because the number is a lot bigger.
I'm blogging and driving. Gotta make a late night taco bell run. I'm going to miss these too. I'm going to miss a lot of things. Like the games casey and I play. My favorite is to see who can get the best reaction from the other pointing out the trashy broads in this town.
So much for rapture today huh?
Your advice for today isn't funny. Cherish the people you love.
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Friday, May 20, 2011
Easy A? Easy waitress.
Today, we shall discuss boys who wear skinny jeans. What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. You? Its not really about them being skinny jeans. More like...why the fuck do you put on girl pants and purposely buy them 5 sizes too small, sag them...and wear a belt!? Why the belt?
This can't be comfortable. This would be the discussion that took place on the way home from the movie. Seriously guys, doing this makes it look like you robbed baby gap. Put the girl pants away and give your balls room to fucking breathe.
Today has been a pretty fun filled day. We went to joes crab shack where our waitress told us her name was super easy. We went to bath junkie where I bought half the store and then we came home.
I guess I forgot to mention the fact that I was nice and buzzed before 5pm. Peer pressure dammit! Ok we all know that's a load of crap. I thoroughly enjoyed myself today. I really miss my brats though.
Now if you don't mind, I have a date with my chocolate body scrub. Mmmmm. Your tip of the day:
When you run into someone you don't like, do the job properly. Always put it in reverse and hit them again.
This can't be comfortable. This would be the discussion that took place on the way home from the movie. Seriously guys, doing this makes it look like you robbed baby gap. Put the girl pants away and give your balls room to fucking breathe.
Today has been a pretty fun filled day. We went to joes crab shack where our waitress told us her name was super easy. We went to bath junkie where I bought half the store and then we came home.
I guess I forgot to mention the fact that I was nice and buzzed before 5pm. Peer pressure dammit! Ok we all know that's a load of crap. I thoroughly enjoyed myself today. I really miss my brats though.
Now if you don't mind, I have a date with my chocolate body scrub. Mmmmm. Your tip of the day:
When you run into someone you don't like, do the job properly. Always put it in reverse and hit them again.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Chocolate covered strawberries count as a fruit.
I'm sitting here in a totally silent house. No noise at all except for the hum of the AC and the tap tap tap of my fingers on the keys. Well, and occasionally the jangle of Rori's tags. My parents have come and said their goodbyes to my husband. They have taken the children who have also said goodbye. They dont understand though, they're too young.
This is the perfect time for me to work on my sociology homework. I can't though. My mind is racing with thoughts of what the next year will hold. Am I going to get fat while he's gone by eating my feelings? *Crams chocolate covered strawberry into mouth* Should I start tanning or will that make it look like I'm trying to look hot for other people? *Examines glow in the dark pale white skin*...Hmmmm...all these thoughts!
I think we're setting the scene for the next Mary and Joseph. There is no more room at the Pilley Inn. My house has become the halfway house for homeless soldiers in my husband's company. I don't mind, gives me more of a reason to cook and I love cooking. We do need a larger hot water heater though.
The day I have to drop Casey off I am pretty sure I will be the only wife showing up with 4 husbands. I think I'll arrange them by height. Maybe rank...haven't decided yet. See, lots to think about! Lots of planning needs to be done.
I will now attempt to do my homework, and will leave you with your advice of the day...
Never hire a color blind bomb technician.
This is the perfect time for me to work on my sociology homework. I can't though. My mind is racing with thoughts of what the next year will hold. Am I going to get fat while he's gone by eating my feelings? *Crams chocolate covered strawberry into mouth* Should I start tanning or will that make it look like I'm trying to look hot for other people? *Examines glow in the dark pale white skin*...Hmmmm...all these thoughts!
I think we're setting the scene for the next Mary and Joseph. There is no more room at the Pilley Inn. My house has become the halfway house for homeless soldiers in my husband's company. I don't mind, gives me more of a reason to cook and I love cooking. We do need a larger hot water heater though.
The day I have to drop Casey off I am pretty sure I will be the only wife showing up with 4 husbands. I think I'll arrange them by height. Maybe rank...haven't decided yet. See, lots to think about! Lots of planning needs to be done.
I will now attempt to do my homework, and will leave you with your advice of the day...
Never hire a color blind bomb technician.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The voices in my head are arguing...again.
Every night I tell myself that I will be in bed before midnight. Every night I look at the clock and it is 11 something, then the next time I see it, it is well after midnight. So I tell myself I will go to sleep immediately! I lie to myself. I don't go to sleep immediately. Shit sometimes I don't go to sleep at all. I gotta stop doing this shit.
The voices in my head debate on this every night. Spanish stud blames workaholic. Workaholic blames nerd. Nerd blames...well, uh...spanish stud. yes, that's it. They are all batshit crazy.
Tonight, the graphic design site I use got copied. Some bitch that is asshurt because I kicked her off staff started up her own site and took all of the things we offer, all of our board descriptions, all of our ideas and used it on hers. Little does she know, we are sending her a site warming gift!
There is this one girl that has driven all of my designers so batshit crazy with her requests that we finally banned her. She was nutty. Another member of my admin team and I decided to send her on over to the new site and tell them we heard they have the capabilities to fulfill all the requests she needs. bahahahahahaha.
It may not seem evil to you, but you probably don't do web design, and you have obviously not met this particular chick. She makes grown women hide from their computers and cringe anytime we see her name pop up on the site. At the same time though, I feel bad for her. She has been through so much, she needs a better way to cope than to cling to the things she can't change.
So, hag that copied my site, if you ever read this, fuck your couch. You are such a lazy fucking designer it isn't funny. I mean, obviously you are lazy, you can't even muster up enough creativity to start your site without someone else's ideas. I predict it will tank within 6 months, and that is probably generous. You had to get someone else to do any cutouts for your sigs. How the hell are you going to make it? Oh that's right...you wont!
I love the smell of revenge at 1am. And if you're reading this going "Why not just let it go, why get revenge?" Well, fuck your couch as well. I got to get the gotters before they get me and if they gon' get me Im gon' get my glock. Love me some Madea! If I want to be a snotty southern bitch and forgo telling this whore to go to hell by way of the words "Bless your heart" then that is my God given right and you can get the hell over it.
Put that in your juicebox and suck it.
The voices in my head debate on this every night. Spanish stud blames workaholic. Workaholic blames nerd. Nerd blames...well, uh...spanish stud. yes, that's it. They are all batshit crazy.
Tonight, the graphic design site I use got copied. Some bitch that is asshurt because I kicked her off staff started up her own site and took all of the things we offer, all of our board descriptions, all of our ideas and used it on hers. Little does she know, we are sending her a site warming gift!
There is this one girl that has driven all of my designers so batshit crazy with her requests that we finally banned her. She was nutty. Another member of my admin team and I decided to send her on over to the new site and tell them we heard they have the capabilities to fulfill all the requests she needs. bahahahahahaha.
It may not seem evil to you, but you probably don't do web design, and you have obviously not met this particular chick. She makes grown women hide from their computers and cringe anytime we see her name pop up on the site. At the same time though, I feel bad for her. She has been through so much, she needs a better way to cope than to cling to the things she can't change.
So, hag that copied my site, if you ever read this, fuck your couch. You are such a lazy fucking designer it isn't funny. I mean, obviously you are lazy, you can't even muster up enough creativity to start your site without someone else's ideas. I predict it will tank within 6 months, and that is probably generous. You had to get someone else to do any cutouts for your sigs. How the hell are you going to make it? Oh that's right...you wont!
I love the smell of revenge at 1am. And if you're reading this going "Why not just let it go, why get revenge?" Well, fuck your couch as well. I got to get the gotters before they get me and if they gon' get me Im gon' get my glock. Love me some Madea! If I want to be a snotty southern bitch and forgo telling this whore to go to hell by way of the words "Bless your heart" then that is my God given right and you can get the hell over it.
Put that in your juicebox and suck it.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Let's get ready to rrrrrrrrraaaaaaaammmmmbllllleeee
I have no fucking clue what I am watching on TV right now. Some dude with a gay ass british accent that looks like a total doucher. Im laying in bed listening to my husband snore. I'm actually going to miss his snoring. We have our nightly routine now. At about 9-10pm we come upstairs and hide out in our room. Watch tv for a few, then Case starts snoring and I pick up my books. Sometimes I like to mix it up though and sit at my desk working on designs or just talking to all my e-friends all night.
Tonight I poured my heart out to my friends and my mom about how worried I am about what the next year will hold. Casey and I have been through SO much shit together, I know we are going to make it through this just fine. I trust him and he trusts me, and that's important for making it work through a deployment. I know that we love each other and we will both do whatever we have to to make things work. I've had several friends lately decide to divorce. It makes me sad, but at the same time, this lifestyle is not an easy one. Kudos to a couple of my good friends for sucking it up and keeping their heads held high and working through things when it would just be easier to wash their hands and walk away. You two know who you are. I am proud of you and the attitudes you have about life! I also like yer bewbs.
Anywho, I guess this would fall under the heading of another sentimental blog. I am thankful for all the people I have in my life to listen to me whine about how much I am going to miss my husband. It's been almost 3 years and we have made it through SO much drama its not funny. We have never been apart for long, so this will be a first. I do have faith that we will be just fine though.
This is me, making my fairytale come true. I sit here for hours each night and my mind races. I watch casey sleep and wonder how I got so fucking lucky. It's certainly not because I have always had good karma. That bitch has nailed me a couple of times.
I almost started this sentence with anywho, but I realize I already did that once. So, um...yeah. Idk. I guess its time for me to lay down and go the fuck to sleep. Speaking of, if you are a parent and you struggle with getting your child to sleep, I highly recommend reading Go The Fuck To Sleep. It'll give you a good giggled and let you know you aren't alone.
Tip of the day:
Clothes don't make the person, but being nakes will get you arrested.
Tonight I poured my heart out to my friends and my mom about how worried I am about what the next year will hold. Casey and I have been through SO much shit together, I know we are going to make it through this just fine. I trust him and he trusts me, and that's important for making it work through a deployment. I know that we love each other and we will both do whatever we have to to make things work. I've had several friends lately decide to divorce. It makes me sad, but at the same time, this lifestyle is not an easy one. Kudos to a couple of my good friends for sucking it up and keeping their heads held high and working through things when it would just be easier to wash their hands and walk away. You two know who you are. I am proud of you and the attitudes you have about life! I also like yer bewbs.
Anywho, I guess this would fall under the heading of another sentimental blog. I am thankful for all the people I have in my life to listen to me whine about how much I am going to miss my husband. It's been almost 3 years and we have made it through SO much drama its not funny. We have never been apart for long, so this will be a first. I do have faith that we will be just fine though.
This is me, making my fairytale come true. I sit here for hours each night and my mind races. I watch casey sleep and wonder how I got so fucking lucky. It's certainly not because I have always had good karma. That bitch has nailed me a couple of times.
I almost started this sentence with anywho, but I realize I already did that once. So, um...yeah. Idk. I guess its time for me to lay down and go the fuck to sleep. Speaking of, if you are a parent and you struggle with getting your child to sleep, I highly recommend reading Go The Fuck To Sleep. It'll give you a good giggled and let you know you aren't alone.
Tip of the day:
Clothes don't make the person, but being nakes will get you arrested.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Fuck your fairytales.
Once upon a time there was a girl who went to bed at a decent hour. She was early to bed and late to rise and never ever had bags under her eyes...
Then one day the evil devil that sat on her shoulder hopped into her ear and tunneled into her brain where he created several alter egos that took over her senses at varying times of the day. Gone was the sleepy girl who never looked tired. A strange creature replaced her. This strange creature had no need for sleep and cared not about bags under her eyes.
And everyone loved happily ever after.
Lies! Obviously that wasn't your typical fairytale story but fuck typical. I broke that mold a long time ago! What they don't tell you in the fairytales is that more than half of the time the prince turns into a stupid mean troll or the princess turns into a trashy whore. Then they get divorced and start the fairytale process all over again.
Sometimes the second is better than the first. It still isn't all roses and rainbows dammit. They don't prepare you for what its like when you throw stress into things. They don't prepare the princess for what its like when the love of her life has to leave for a year at a time to go play in a sandbox thousands of miles away because all the bullies in charge of the playground can't duke out their own problems.
There's no such thing as perfection but by God you can fine happiness. Usually at the bottom of a fifth of liquor.
I already forgot where I was going with that last paragraph so we will just leave it as is.
Truth is, life is what it is. What you make of it is up to you. Don't expect someone else to write your happily ever after for you. That's your job. Get fucking cracking on it.
Then one day the evil devil that sat on her shoulder hopped into her ear and tunneled into her brain where he created several alter egos that took over her senses at varying times of the day. Gone was the sleepy girl who never looked tired. A strange creature replaced her. This strange creature had no need for sleep and cared not about bags under her eyes.
And everyone loved happily ever after.
Lies! Obviously that wasn't your typical fairytale story but fuck typical. I broke that mold a long time ago! What they don't tell you in the fairytales is that more than half of the time the prince turns into a stupid mean troll or the princess turns into a trashy whore. Then they get divorced and start the fairytale process all over again.
Sometimes the second is better than the first. It still isn't all roses and rainbows dammit. They don't prepare you for what its like when you throw stress into things. They don't prepare the princess for what its like when the love of her life has to leave for a year at a time to go play in a sandbox thousands of miles away because all the bullies in charge of the playground can't duke out their own problems.
There's no such thing as perfection but by God you can fine happiness. Usually at the bottom of a fifth of liquor.
I already forgot where I was going with that last paragraph so we will just leave it as is.
Truth is, life is what it is. What you make of it is up to you. Don't expect someone else to write your happily ever after for you. That's your job. Get fucking cracking on it.
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Sunday, May 15, 2011
Ruffalin: The new reality show.
I found my trail of breadcrumbs again. Drunk me gets a mental high five from sober me, because now I know more of what went down last night.
H-bomb and I were at it again. This time though, we took our two girl wolf pack to the club. I do know I had two margaritas, a vegas bomb, and six beers. Yum. I know we didn't leave till they kicked us out. I made friends with a couple of the bouncers, compliments of Heidi, and one bartender. Here are the highlights from the night:
While we were at wet willy's some dude came up to the bar and ordered a bud light lime and said "yummy" when the bartender gave it to him. So real men drink bud light lime and say yummy.
Still at wet willy's, Heidi twisted my arm and made me drink a vegas bomb. It tasted like fucking candy. She wasn't lying when she told me that. I've come to the conclusion though that any shot with the word bomb in it is NOT a normal shot. More like a small drink you are supposed to chug.
We went next door to wild country. I ordered a margarita and the bartender put a cherry and lime in it. We parked it at a table and I dropped my cherry in the ashtray. We got up and wandered around some more then parked it at a different table, so I dropped in my lime. I figured I would mark my territory with fruit.
At this point is where things get a tad fuzzy. I cannot give explanations for the following because I really don't have a fuckin clue what happened.
Me- "You can't see me."
Heidi- "Ok John Cena..."
Me- "That should be illegal."
Heidi- "What about billy joel?"
Heidi- "She's got orangutan titties AND they're small."
Me- "She's wearing a skirt...and has an apron on over it."
My phone died a little after 11. This is the text we sent to my husband:
"Hailey phone die no more worky. Text if needy. Love you long time. Five dolla."
Before my phone died I apparently texted my mom and said "Titties on the table?! Oh Lord."
And apparently I told Heidi "We should make our own jersey shore and call it Ruffalin."
It's always fun when my sister and I go out. ; )
H-bomb and I were at it again. This time though, we took our two girl wolf pack to the club. I do know I had two margaritas, a vegas bomb, and six beers. Yum. I know we didn't leave till they kicked us out. I made friends with a couple of the bouncers, compliments of Heidi, and one bartender. Here are the highlights from the night:
While we were at wet willy's some dude came up to the bar and ordered a bud light lime and said "yummy" when the bartender gave it to him. So real men drink bud light lime and say yummy.
Still at wet willy's, Heidi twisted my arm and made me drink a vegas bomb. It tasted like fucking candy. She wasn't lying when she told me that. I've come to the conclusion though that any shot with the word bomb in it is NOT a normal shot. More like a small drink you are supposed to chug.
We went next door to wild country. I ordered a margarita and the bartender put a cherry and lime in it. We parked it at a table and I dropped my cherry in the ashtray. We got up and wandered around some more then parked it at a different table, so I dropped in my lime. I figured I would mark my territory with fruit.
At this point is where things get a tad fuzzy. I cannot give explanations for the following because I really don't have a fuckin clue what happened.
Me- "You can't see me."
Heidi- "Ok John Cena..."
Me- "That should be illegal."
Heidi- "What about billy joel?"
Heidi- "She's got orangutan titties AND they're small."
Me- "She's wearing a skirt...and has an apron on over it."
My phone died a little after 11. This is the text we sent to my husband:
"Hailey phone die no more worky. Text if needy. Love you long time. Five dolla."
Before my phone died I apparently texted my mom and said "Titties on the table?! Oh Lord."
And apparently I told Heidi "We should make our own jersey shore and call it Ruffalin."
It's always fun when my sister and I go out. ; )
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