Are you God? No? Didn't think so.

I've had a ridiculous amount of people judging me lately. They make passive aggressive facebook statuses about me (that are really, really obvious, kind of defeats the purpose nit wit), cuss me out in front of my children, and do all kinds of other stupid shit. It's SO MUCH FUN! Nooooooooooot. Honestly, I'm fed up. Who the fuck are you to judge me when your hands arent clean? How can you criticize my mother for the way she raised me when you not only allowed your kids to do drugs, you did it with them? Yep, parent of the year right thurrr! Assholes.

How can you make cracks about me "running from my problems" when you went psycho bitch and took off in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye to the people you knew you would hurt? I'm a shitty parent? Last time I checked, I'm not the one that made plans to abort my unborn child because I panicked at the thought of losing my freedom to party whenever I wanted.

I'm immature? At least I can fight my own battles and don't need someone else to do it for me. I can handle myself. I can take care of myself. I don't need my friends to do it for me, I don't need my parents to do it for me, I don't need a man to do it for me.

I love it when people think that they will get me in check by threatening to talk to Casey. Newsflash you fucking morons...1) By his own words, he will never believe someone else over me because I give him no reason to doubt me. 2) He has no control over me either. You'd think you guys would have figured that out by now! All you're going to wind up doing if you run to him with some bullshit you can't back up is piss him off at YOU. Am I perfect? Fuck no, but he knows that.

Unlike most of you hypocritical high and mighty assholes, I admit I'm not perfect. I don't need to pretend to be either. And at the end of the day, you don't have to live with me, so why should I care what you think? Why should you care what I do? If I light myself on fire and run naked down main street singing barney songs, how will that really affect your life? It wont.

Im sure that this is going to cause some butthurt in the general population with people trying to figure out if Im talking about them...but I honestly don't fucking care. Odds are it isnt about you if you're reading this. That includes the creepers that like to stalk my blog to try and get shit on me. Now that you know I'm not talking about you, get your panties out of a wad and go do your laundry or something.

Here's your advice for the day:
Everyone should learn a not so common second language. That way when you get busted by the cops, you can pretend you don't understand them or the country's laws.

I R Smart.

Actually I'm feeling blah right now. I am no longer a straight A student. I got a B+ in one of my classes. It's pretty sad. I really would like to throw something right now but I won't. I messed up on my final exam a little bit and missed my A by 3 points. I know that a B is still good, but I was really proud of my straight As. I proved I'm not a slacker and I can handle college work though, so I'm good.

In other news, the Army sucks once again. I can't really say why but we all know that it comes as no surprise. The good idea fairy has been slapping people in the head left and right and the bitch really needs to stop. She's fucking life up for everyone!

Still not a whole lot going on around here, unless you count my spanish stud personality trying to talk me into taking strippers home again. Don't worry, I silenced him with cookies for now. Good for him, bad for my ass.

Speaking of ass, what the fuck is up with bitches and these tiny little shorts?! I mean seriously...look in the mirror before you leave the house. If you look like you got smacked in the ass with a bag of nickels you REALLY should not walk out of the house in booty shorts. No one wants to see your hail dented ass cheeks and thighs handing out of your shorts. Wear capris, bermuda shorts, anything but shit your ass hangs out of. I am no skinny bitch, and THAT is why you wont catch me wearing booty shorts. Kthanks! Also, just because you are thin, doesnt mean you dont have cellulite. You can be a size 2 and still look like you got assaulted with nickels. Get over it. Hit the treadmill or something before you break out the summer shorts.

Anywho, I suppose that's about enough rambling for now. Mom is abandoning me to go to a movie with her pal and I am going to corral my heathen children. By corral I absolutely do not mean tape them to the wall...or a chair...or the couch. The thought never crossed my mind at ALL!

Your friendly tip for the day:
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
tried.

Fake teeth are just as good as no teeth.

Ohhh snap! Two blogs in one day? What a treat for you! I'm not gonna lie...today has kind of sucked out loud. On the way home from Colorado my tire pressure light came on. I thought oh no big, it's happened before and it was nothing. This was about 300 miles from home. I got home, parked bertha in the driveway and took my happy ass to bed. I woke up at 6 this morning to a dead phone and my charger was in the truck. I walked my happy (and mildly delirious and sleep deprived) self outside to get it and realized...FML. My tire is flat.

That should have been my sign to go back to bed, pull the covers over my head and wait for tomorrow to come before I resurfaced. But me being me, always ready to tackle any monster no matter how large, I stayed up to take on the day. It got worse in some aspects but better in others. I'm still fuckin smilin though, even though I got kicked in the fucking teeth. Metaphorically speaking anyway.

Good thing I have a fake front tooth. Just pop it back in with some super glue and I'm good to go again! Just don't give me milk duds. That's when it gets ugly. Despite knowing I have been betrayed in a big way by someone I never expected it from, I'm not even mad. Hurt, yes. Sad, definitely. I just don't have it in me to be mad anymore. Maybe that comes with old age like the ability to take shots and walk in heels and my new-found love for coffee.

Always remember:
Maturity sometimes means biting your tongue even when you are wronged. You may be able to fuck that whole persons world up as revenge...but is it worth the ultimate price that will be paid?

No teeth = good stories.

Wow, it's been a week since I bothered with this again. Oops. There's still plenty going on, just still not much I want to put out there for the world to read. Amber and I took off on a road trip to colorado a couple days ago. I must say, it was definitely a fun time. We make good road trip partners despite her wanting to pick up toothless bums. Her theory is he may not have teeth but he probably has a lot of good stories to tell. I said stick him in the bed of the truck but that simply wouldn't do because her $80 straightener was in there! Gasp! So what she's saying is that our lives are worth less than her straightener. Good to know!

I'm pretty sure we stopped at 42 different gas stations looking for a fucking auxillary cord. Out of those 42 gas stations, one had it in stock. Brilliant people that we are, we forgot to buy it when we checked out. Go us! The blonde hair dye is going to amber's brain. I don't know what my excuse is.

The world seems to be about the same on the hypocrisy front. The world is still full of assholes, liars, and stupid people. I guess it's reassuring to know some things will never change. It does suck though when the people you expect it from the least turn into liars and assholes. Or just straight up psycho bitches. Yeah, that sucks too.

What is with people and not having the balls to just speak their mind anymore? I see so much passive aggressive bullshit on facebook anymore it makes me want to pull my hair out. Say what you need to say, no sense in being over-dramatic about it. Especially if you're one of those people that gets pissy with others for starting "drama" of any kind.

I think I will get off of my soapbox now. I'm done ranting. I will do my best to write again before the week is up. I have a lot of missed days to make up for!

Remember folks:
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Sex & High Heels.

When people compliment my mother on how I have turned out, she always tells them that she can take no credit for it. She says I found myself all on my own and became who I am today without her. This is very untrue. My mom has always been there for me. I've seen her get knocked on her ass a million times and she always gets back up. She may cry and scream and throw a fuckin fit befitting a two year old, but she gets back up. That's how I know I'll always turn out ok. I'm cut from the same cloth.

Life is taking me on one hell of a fuckin rollercoaster ride right now, but I'm not ready to get off. I've always loved a challenge and thrived under pressure. I know a lot of people are sitting back waiting for me to crumble but keep on watchin cause it isnt happening. I may stumble but I will not fall. Keep hatin bitches, it only fuels my drive to succeed.

In other news, I gave shitney a cooking lesson today. Had to start her off easy so she didnt get too intimidated by boiling water. I had dinner and a lot of laughs with her, hoe david and tylacking. Im convinced that the 4 of us should never be allowed to go anywhere public together because it would probably end with half the town offended and us in jail. But hey, we'd have a damn fun time and that's what matters right? right.

Oh...I also bought sexy shoes today. I cannot walk in heels to save my fucking life but its like these were magic. I put them on and the shoe Gods granted me the ability to walk in them without lookin like a fuckin fool for once in my life. I put these shoes on with the little dress I get to wear (bridesmaid dress and shoes) and I totally wanted to have sex with myself. Too much? Oh well. That's how hot these damn shoes are. I think I will marry them and a bottle of patron. Yep, drunk in the sexy shoes. Sounds good to me.

Always remember:
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner.