Is that a boob? Maybe a penis...

Today I have been married to my schexy husband for a whopping two years and 8 months. We also still like each other! Yay us! Maybe he'll get lucky and I'll flash him my vagina on webcam later....look mom! There's another hole punch in my ticket to hell! Yay me! OK, Im not really going to flash him my do-lolly as he likes to call it. I'll keep that in my pants and wait for him to come home before he gets to see it again. I know, I'm mean. Whatever, hopefully this isnt fresh news to you.

My lava lamp is trying to sprout either a penis or a tit. I can't figure out which. The lava at the top hardened a little droopy last night, so it kind of looks like either a tiny little penis or a rather large nipple. Either way, it is definitely interesting. I wonder if I could turn that in as a study on anatomy....hmmmmm....Possible, very possible.

Insomnia has ahold of me yet again tonight, go fuckin figure. At least you silly little shits are getting good reading material out of it from me. Well, some of you think it's good, others think its garbage. I think I'm fucking amazing and if you dont like it you can suck my non-existent left nut. I'll grow one special for ya! =)

I started reading that book "The Help" tonight. So far so good. It sucked me in and the one maid, Minny, really reminds me of...well, me. Because she just doesn't give a shit if she offends someone or not! How refreshing in a world full of ass licking douche nuggets. If you are one of said ass licking douche nuggets, well, at least clean it with a wet wipe before you toss that salad. Don't be nasty about it.

I really need to sleep now because odds are Jessalyn and I will begin our epic battle over my bed in about 2 hours as usual. Moving that munchkin to a toddler bed was a horrible choice! Unlike Jon at her age, she actually realizes she can climg out of it. Damn the luck!

Anywho, here's your advice for the night:
A person is only as big as the things that make them angry. This is why I don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things...except my husband of course.