So I'm sitting on the couch today just chillin, with my arm above my head on the back of the couch...suddenly I feel a little tickle. I flick my wrist thinking it's my hair and I feel it again, but more intense...I pull my arm down from behind my head and come face to ugly fucking face with a fucking mutant spider. I may or may not have flipped out a little bit.
After my initial freak out and slapping the spider and flinging my arms around wildly, I sit back and look for the little bastard...nowhere to be found. Well shit. Here we go again, someone get me the dish soap. I call my mom to tell her the insanity of what just happened to me and while I am on the phone my 4 year old looks at me and says in a dead serious tone..."Mom, you are a sissy baby. It's JUST a spider."
I'll remember that next time you're screaming for me to kill one you little turd. I was cleaning off the couch of all the teasures my children leave there for me to find later and I pulled back a cushion...and there the little (and by little of course I mean big mutant fuck) sat. Dead as a mofo. HAHAHAHAHA. I win. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
This is pretty much an absolutely pointless post, but I figure some of you will giggle. I swear I have felt shit crawling on me all damn day since that happened. My mind is playing cruel tricks on me now. The moral of this story is...I always win. I will squash you!
Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
And that was the smile I needed today. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWho's to say that was the same spider though? Just sayinnnn:)
ReplyDelete