Were you a planned baby?
Ha. No, I was about as unplanned as they come. But props to my mom for not selling me to the couple at braums who felt her bastard child deserved a two parent home.
Were you the first?
No but I was definitely the best.
Who was present at your birth?
Well you see, I'm not quite sure, couldnt put a name to the faces i saw as i popped out.
Were your parents married when you were born?
If they were, I doubt the holy rollers at the local hangout woulda tried to save my poor soul
What is your birth date?
July 2 1987
How would you describe your family?
dysfunctional as f***, but hey, we're fun.
Are your parents married? Divorced? Seperated?
They're living in sin.
Siblings or an only child?
4 sisters, poor teve, it's ok though. I'm like the son he never had.
If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?
I'm the favorite.
Which parent do you get along with best?
it depends on which one is on their cycle at the time.
What do you fight about?
Surprisingly, nothing anymore. I've mellowed out in my husband's old age. Sometimes.
Do you have step parents?
My mom divorced those losers. I tried to tell 'em, I outlast everyone in the end.
Do you have more than one best friend?
Yeah. But no one will ever be better than Kati. Bitch drives me crazy but I kinda like her.
Do you share the same interests?
honestly, not so much. She keeps me young though, so she can stay.
How high/low is your self esteem?
Mile high.
Do you get depressed about things easily?
Real gangstas don't get depressed
Are you an extrovert or an introvert?
Piss me off and you'll find out.
Are you happy?
Happy as a 35 year old virgin in a whorehouse on buy one get one free night.
Do you live life to the fullest?
Who thinks this shit up?
Are you comfortable with the way you look?
Have you seen my boobs? Of course I am.
Do you have any piercings?
not anymore, they dont let you keep them in in jail.
Describe your hair?
it keeps my head warm
How do you dress?
I dress according to which personality wakes up in the morning.
Were you a strange child?
I was a mean child. I needed Jesus.
What did you use to love that you no longer do?
my hometown
Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?
Pick a number from 6-17. Got it? Ok, that whole section of my life was traumatizing.
Do you have the same friends from when u were a kid?
See, there's something about high school in my town that chews up childhood friendships and spits them back out. The only person i talk to now that I talked to then is Amber. And most of the time, we were insulting each other.
Are you scared of growing old?
Absolutely not. When I get old, I can claim I'm senile and use it as an excuse to piss on people who annoy me.
Do you want to get married?
again? no thanks. I'll keep the husband I've got.
Do you like walking in the rain?
Only when I'm trying to get stuck by lightning.
Are you a vegetarian?
Do I look like a rabbit?
What is your favorite food?
anything I cook
What food makes you want to gag?
mushrooms. tried eating them to get high when I was 5. All i got was a trip to the ER an some ipecac.
Are you single or taken?
Taken. All the time, not just when he's home. Unlike 3/4 of the women in this God forsaken town, I do not need a bumper sticker that says "Half my heart is in afghanistan...my ass is at the club"
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I believe in lovetoscrewyou at first sight.
Have you ever thought you were going to die?
That goes back to the whole traumatic experience shit. Yeah, I thought I was going to be killed a couple of times.
Who was the president when you were born?
Well gee, you know I was so busy cutting my own umbilical cord and terrorizing my mother that i forgot to ask.
Who is the 1st president you voted for?
Myself.
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